This wedding truly a royal bore!

I don’t know about you, but my chromosomes aren’t all a twitter over Saturday’s wedding between Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles.I believe I have sound reasons for my grotesque indifference. For starters, I’ve always thought of Charles as more of a crown dunce than a crown prince. And after cheating on the comely Princess Diana by bedding Camilla, Prince Chuckles’ IQ didn’t grow in stature.And now he’s hungry for a thick slice of good image. He’s been viewed as the world’s worst cad for forsaking Diana, who ultimately became a celebrity martyr after dying in a high-speed car crash trying to flee the dastardly paparazzi. Indeed, Charles has inhaled a strong whiff of emasculation for years. But it’s too late for any damage control by marrying Parker Bowles, who tomorrow will take the final step in her trilogy from mistress to fiancée to dowdy wife.This royal wedding craves social acceptance, but it’s not forthcoming. Not to be superficial, but it would help if Camilla wasn’t basically bone ugly. I’ve seen cuter boa constrictors. At least you can cuddle up to boa constrictors. Camilla, despite her adulterous ways with her Prince Less-Than-Charming, comes across as a cold fish.So with Camilla and Charles entangled in a history of adultery, sticky divorces and sleazy scandals, this hasn’t exactly been a bucolic journey to the altar. Or the stuff of fairytales. After all, fairytales usually aren’t melodramas.Compounding matters, Camilla and Charles were to tie the royal knot today, but the funeral of Pope John Paul II forced a day’s postponement so Charles could pay his respects at the Vatican. Obviously, Queen Elizabeth — not exactly a blithe spirit — hasn’t been pleased with her son’s personal life and is stiffing him and his bride at the nuptials. She’s only coming to the blessing. I wonder if she will be bringing that ugly purse that seems as attached to her as her rigid frown. Why the Queen of England needs a purse escapes me. Doesn’t she have henchmen to carry her car keys and Kleenexes? Getting back to the groom, I do feel a slight shred of empathy for Charles. He’s spent his entire adult life waiting for the queen to kick so he could be king. So he’s had plenty of free time while scratching around inside the un-hatched shell of ambition.Who knows? If he had had less playtime and an actual job, he may have been too busy to frolic with Camilla. As a domino effect, the neglected Diana likely wouldn’t have turned to butlers, equestrians and candlestick makers for some intimate solace.Of course, perhaps she would have. After all, let’s get real: Prince Chuckie is a royal prune! Which is why he deserves someone like Camilla, who’s hardly a tomato.