Foreboding fallout from fractured friendship

Sometimes we read news so utterly shocking and depressing that it repaints our mood for hours. When I read with head-snapping alarm that Paris Hilton is rattlesnake angry with her “The Simple Life” co-star Nicole Richie, I instantly became resigned to the sobering fact that I likely will be depressed for eternity.And then a question bellowed up from the bowels of my deep depression, shouting to know just what triggered this epic cat fight. Did Nicole steal a guy from Paris? Did Nicole borrow a credit card from Paris? And if so, so what? I imagine the hotel heiress has almost as many credit cards as boyfriends. But Paris isn’t revealing what dastardly deed by Nicole altered both of their lives, not to mention mine. “It’s no big secret that Nicole and I are no longer friends,” Hilton said in a statement. “Nicole knows what she did, and that’s all I’m ever going to say about it.”

Their harmony is toast, causing fissures if not downright ruptures in America’s superficial psyche, and she’s not giving up the goods on exactly why!

Whatever the reason, Paris evidently will not easily shed the scowl of anger that hangs like a dark curtain over her pretty face.

Paris also claimed that Nicole will be replaced on “The Simple Life” by her friend Kimberly Stewart, the daughter of singer Rod Stewart. Hilton and Richie have starred on the Fox reality show for three seasons. Fox has denied the casting change. (By the way, since Nicole is the daughter of singer Lionel Richie, I have another question: Are all of Hilton’s girlfriends daughters of crooners?)

Whatever the cast, “The Simple Life” is a show that’s hardly tastier than barbecued shrimp.

It seems apparent that Paris and Nicole are not destined to be lifetime cellmates in airheadness. Which is probably good for Nicole. If she’s not tethered as the eternal sidekick to Paris, perhaps she’ll have a fighting chance at someday acquiring maturity.

Because Paris isn’t the ideal role model. She’s living proof that being born a filthy rich thin blonde isn’t one of humanity’s nobler enterprises. Which is why she’s so busy spending prodigal amounts of time shopping for clothes, accessories and men while reveling in the joy of being a mildly rebellious celebrity child.

Well, I hope that Paris, despite the angst resonating in her heart over the split with Nicole, relishes the unalloyed delight in being the ultimate impossibly rich party girl. Granted, she has paid a dear price for fame as some dastardly media types treat her like a thin dartboard.

And speaking of thin, have you ever seen such a tiny isthmus for a waist? I’ve seen bigger headpins.

Paris is accustomed to living life with a bright light on her. But soon that light will dim as the dazzle in her magic aura pales. Her looks eventually will be ambushed by her birth date.

Once the allure of youth, sex and delicious scandal escapes from her like air from a leaking balloon, she likely will morph into a brooding recluse.

After all, it’s not like the girl is exactly blessed with impeccable talent.