A night at the soap opera worthy of Marx Brothers proportions

Well, sports fans, tonight’s the night.One Terrell Owens, the media maven and mayhem magnet, is expected to make his preseason debut for the Philadelphia Eagles.Spiking the melodrama to insane proportions is that this exhibition just happens to be a home game at the Linc.Suddenly, the Bengals vs. the Eagles is a secondary consideration, as if it were a mere scrimmage between Burger King counter jockeys and Denny’s fry cooks.Indeed, the focal point undoubtedly will be T.O. and to what degree the bombastic Eagles faithful greet him with an intoxicating mixed climate of loathing and adoration.We know three things about Iggles Nation:1. Its populace never develops lumbago of the vocal cords.2. Its residents know how to spell E-A-G-L-E-S if you spot them the E and the A. 3. Its citizens are frontrunners.So I suspect that T.O. will receive a boisterous greeting of boos but the instant he makes a big play, his ears will be basking in applause.Of course, which T.O. will show up tonight also is the subject of fierce debate.Will he be the sullen, silent warrior just doing his job?Or will play to the crowd, conducting the fans as if he were orchestrating a symphony? After all, we all know that the dude excels as a raconteur and producer of impromptu dramatics.Will he have headphones stuck on his helmet?Will he move his lips in the direction of Donovan McNabb?Will he do the Bristol stomp on McNabb in the huddle after the QB fires an errant pass at his piggy toes or hangs him up to dry over the middle so a defender can play T.O.’s ribs like a xylophone?Or will T.O. risk the wrath of everyone by becoming a game-time scratch after straining his groan by squeezing in a few last-minute crunches in the parking lot? Whatever transpires, it figures to be an evening that could be as abstract, absurd and surreal as George W. Bush debating Larry, Moe and Curly in Latin.After all, we simply can’t ignore T.O because it’s impossible to ignore a terrier constantly gnawing on our ribs.