Surfing a real gusher of hot celebrity news

Nothing like some celeb news as hot as McDonald’s coffee to keep the tabloids and paparazzi scrambling about like field mice.Rumors are resonating like global sonar gone amuck that A-list power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are about to check into splitsville. Doubting Thomases apparently are not restricted to the Bible. Millions of cynics never thought that relationship would span 50 years. By the way, I can categorically deny the rampant rumor that I’m the new man in Angelina’s life. Trust me, if I were I’d spill my guts faster than a stool pigeon with nervous knees banging like cast iron door knockers. After all, dating Angelina would give me instant cred in my neighborhood (if not my household).Then comes some disturbing celeb crime news from the Left Coast, where the noose of justice hardly drops like a guillotine (how’s that for mixing and mangling metaphors?). Nicole Richie was released from jail Thursday after serving 82 minutes of a four-day sentence for driving under the influence of drugs.Eighty-two freakin’ minutes! Hell, I have dental appointments that last longer than that. I’ve stood in Subway lunch lines longer than that. It takes longer than that to brief George W. on his cornflakes each morning.Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan reached a plea deal Thursday on misdemeanor drunken driving and cocaine charges that calls for her to spend just one day in jail.One, as in uno, day? Her parties last longer than that!I guess the court felt sorry for her since she has been trying so diligently to totally derail her acting career.Or fell for her sob story that “it is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.” Who says the poor girl doesn’t have a grip on reality? Evidently she’s aware her life is a train wreck.I know celebrities feel imprisoned by their fame, a supposed curse that makes them feel like carcasses to be picked over. But cut me a break. Their celebrity is a double-edged sword. They may have to avoid restaurants. But they avoid serious jail time as well.Bottom line, life ain’t fair. After all, try getting a plumber on weekends without having to take out a second mortgage. And just when you spill your heaping plate of pasta on your lap, then you discover you’re out of napkins.