Zeke and Forbes don't exactly go together

Well, my personal streak of never having made the Forbes 400 list of the richest Americans has continued.So much for the public perception that media tycoons such as myself are filthy, filthy rich. I could take all my assets and roll them in the muck at Blue Marsh and I still wouldn’t be filthy rich.My problem is that I grew up in the 1960s when money was a bad word. The Love Generation definitely was for losers. We should have ignored the sexual and cultural revolutions of the Sixties and gotten into hedge funds and private equity instead. Who knew then that hedge funds were groovy? Then again, there were certain chemical reasons why we weren’t thinking straight at the time. The 25th anniversary edition of the Forbes 400 list is out and I didn’t even bother searching for my name. Your net worth to make the cut this year had to be $1.3 billion.I fell about $1.3 billion short. It seems I have a serious shortage of zeroes in sequences of three separated by commas in my 401(k) and my mutual funds. Perhaps if I cut back a bit on my 3% tips and did without such luxuries as food and shelter, I’d be a bit more flush.Oh well, money can’t buy me love.But I bet the 45 new members who made this year’s list are getting plenty of love. Half of these freshly minted billionaires made their fortunes in hedge funds and private equity. Meanwhile, schmucks like me only get near hedges when we’re trimming them. And tell me THAT isn’t a thankless task.The bottom line is while the Forbes 400 folks and me all pull our pants on one leg at a time, their pockets are much deeper. Bill Gates, of course, remains No. 1. His net worth is $59 billion. This is one guy whose wallet doesn’t break out into a cold sweat whenever his wife goes on a shopping spree.