If the Eagles somehow manage to trade McNabb (don't turn blue holding your breath), wouldn't their drafting Tebow in the first round take your breath away?

Talk about a spangled gamut of speculation.
The national sports media have turned Where Is Donovan McNabb Being Traded? into a frenzied tabloid serial.
The problem is while all this chatter may be intriguing offseason fun, the story thus far has been a non-story.
Like musical notes laid on their side, it has fallen flat.
According to Michael Silver of Yahoo! Sports, kid Eagles GM Howie Roseman (aren’t football guys supposed to have tough names like Mike Ditka and Bronco Nagurski?) has overplayed his hand reaching for that elusive flashbulb glare of instant fame.
The overly sweet deal Roseman has coveted in exchange for McNabb isn’t going down. Other GMs are ignoring Roseman like some two-bit huckster.
So now Roseman’s only face-saving option is to get a senile sucker like Oakland’s Al Davis (who once upon a time truly was a football genius) to overpay for McNabb.
Otherwise the Eagles still will have quarterbacks stacked on the roster like so much cordwood in McNabb, Kevin (It Ain’t Cobb) Kolb and Michael (Who Let The Dogs Out?) Vick.
Personally, I think McNabb is in Philly for another year.
Wish it wasn’t so because that story has been on an endless loop for years. McNabb, once an elite quarterback, now seemingly has been reduced to the loser brother-in-law who has overstayed his welcome.
Deal McNabb and see if Kolb is the real deal or a real dud.
And if Roseman does somehow hoodwink the Raiders into taking McNabb off his greedy hands, Peter King of Sports Illustrated has a hunch that Andy Reid, who loves to mentor developmental quarterbacks, could spring for Tim Tebow in the first round of the draft.
Wouldn’t that be a hoot? Kolb still would be the man, but Tebow would give training camp at Lehigh such a buzz it would sound like a bee hive dipped in crack.
Tebow was a god at Florida but whether his game transfers to the deity level in the NFL has more doubt than the Apostle Thomas.
Tebow has been spending his spring trying to patch together his passing mechanics with scrap parts to avoid being a pro clunker.
Nevertheless, why not take a flyer on a kid who looks like he fell off a Wheaties box and who likely never will be spotted in a police lineup?
It sure as hell would be a more fascinating pick than plucking another (yawn) anonymous lineman.

Obama's offshore drilling audible politically splashy

On the surface, besides being bad news for the carotid arteries of environmentalists, President Obama’s decision today to open up U.S. shorelines to offshore drilling would seem to be unmindful of his liberal past, uncaring of the future, existing only for the moment and the quick fix.

To quote ESPN college football analyst Lee Corso: “Not so fast, my friends!”
Obama simply may be playing a strong hand of political poker and not trying to suck up to conservative Democrats and Republicans. After all, House Minority Leader John Boehner certainly was quicker than a frozen ham in ripping Obama’s plan for not going far enough.
Political pundit Marc Ambinder’s take on Obama’s strategy:
“The White House is betting that they’ll force Republicans into a corner before the public debate begins, they’ll give some cover to moderate Democratic members of Congress (who love it when Obama picks a fight with his own base), and they’ll get some public cred with Americans who want to see the president moving quickly to find opportunities to create jobs. This isn’t about votes in Congress per se; it’s about perception, cover and framing the debate. It’s also a move that tries to get ahead of rising gas prices.”
So while offshore drilling may do a tsunami or two on our shorelines, it could help generate a higher tide than expected for Obama and the Democrats at the November polls.

We’ll all be treading water to see if Obama sinks or swims with this.

So why do cancer, heart disease and bullets avoid Osama bin Laden like the plague?

I know we are supposed to value the sanctity of human life and all that pious stuff.
Still, pardon me for not wishing Osama bin Laden well.
Rather, I wish the guy was in grave peril from some dreaded disease or exotic weapon, if not downright dead.
Alas, a suspected al Qaeda operative has told an undercover FBI agent that bin Laden is “perfect, healthy, and he’s leading and he’s giving the orders … he’s OK, he’s in safe hands.”
Drat! I guess Allah must be on his side.

That’s even more depressing than all this rain. In fact, there was a Noah sighting at 6th and Penn just an hour ago.

Or was it bin Laden undercover?

RNC apparently has a fetish for spending oodles of cash and frequenting bondage clubs

Far be it from me to piggyback on the stereotype that Republicans are fat cats.

Not everybody in the GOP has a bank account with more zeros than the Japanese flew as fighter planes in World War II.

Nor do all Republicans smoke cigars the size of oboes and live in Louis XIV grandeur.

But some apparently do.

Like the Republican National Committee under chairman Michael Steele.

I guess you get through life any way you can.

The RNC spent $43,828 on a trip to Hawaii, $17,514 on privates jets just in February alone, and usually bunks at lavish hotels such as the W, the Venetian and the Four Seasons.

Evidently Tom Bodett of Motel 6 doesn’t leave a light on for Steele and his cronies.

But what is going viral on the Internet today (and I am sort of burying the lead but one must set the scene) is the bombshell that the RNC dropped a sweaty $1,946.25 at Voyeur West Hollywood, a very trendy bondage-themed nightclub featuring topless women dancers imitating lesbian sex and $550 bottles of liquor.

All righty, then.

I imagine the best spot in the world to brainstorm on how to tie the Democrats into knots is a bondage joint.

In attempt to put out the firestorm (and mighty good luck with that), the RNC said today it is getting back the nearly 2 grand it reimbursed to a member for a helluva night out at Voyeur West.

Do you think Republican faces are somewhat radish red that their once staid image is now rather kinky?

Obama revving RPMs for a spring fling

Now that the passage of his coveted health care bill has been etched into the stone tablets of history while primary doctors become an endangered species in the here and now, President Obama has been roused from the coma he slipped into since the stimulus package hatched in February 2009.

Either somebody lit the pilot on the blue flame of his inner resolve or bathed him in caffeine.

Apparently the president now feels like he can handle Congress like he handles a maitre d.

So he plans a spring offensive to push lawmakers to pass new regulations for Wall Street, adopt his overhaul of the No Child Left Behind education bill and maybe even address a clean energy bill.

To pull off that ambitious agenda, Obama will have to demonstrate a tactical genius that moves legislation with the synchronization of a Swiss watch.

The clock’s ticking on whether that miracle ever breaks a sweat.

U.S. and Russia agree to slice nukes as if they were so much ring baloney

The U.S. and Russia agreed today to significantly prune their nuclear arsenals in the most comprehensive arms control treaty in a score (20 years if you’re not up on Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address).

Granted, the reduction is as much a matter of semantics than it is numbers. While both sides will reduce their arsenals of long-range nuclear weapons by about a third, from 2,200 now to 1,550 each, they easily will retain enough firepower to incinerate each other into massive ash trays.

Actually, we still will pack more nuclear firepower than Moscow because we have Rush Limbaugh’s tonsils on our side (I think).

Today’s agreement, however, was of nuclear importance in terms of U.S.-Russian relations, which have been more strained and drained than even Reading’s city coffers.

Granted, things weren’t as dire as Nikita Khrushchev’s shoe-banging-on-desks days.

But things were getting as dark as Johnny Cash’s wardrobe once was.

Ever since President Obama came into office, the Kremlin’s favorite word when dealing with the White House has been nyet.

The Russians have been bigger obstructionists than Republican congressmen when it comes to sanctions on Iran, missile defense plans in Eastern Europe and, until today, arms control.

The cocksure Russians tried to bully Obama as if he were a pipsqueak of Geico gecko proportions.

I guess Vladimir Putin and his presidential puppet Dmitry Medvedev, normally dudes even badder than Charlie Sheen, swilled too much vodka last night and woke up on the bright side of the pillow this morning.

However, the cut in nukes ain’t a done deal yet — even though Obama has plans to jet to Prague to sign the treaty with Medvedev on April 8.

Congress (oops!) has to ride in tandem on this. And while Congress traditionally has temporarily stopped rattling its sabres and been bipartisan on arms control, it will be quite interesting to see if the GOP lends Obama the required 67 votes in the Senate.

Wouldn’t it be grand if there could be some sort of arms control on partisanship in the Beltway?

All the political posturing on both sides of the aisle makes all the key operatives in Washington sound like Daffy Duck on crack.

Bypass surgery on both 222 and 422 is vital to our business heart

OK, here’s the deal: Transforming Route 222 north of Reading into a five-lane highway AND upgrading the West Shore Bypass, including reconfiguring those nonsensical ramps at Penn and Lancaster avenues, are absolutely essential to Berks County.
Indeed, they both rank up there with breathing.
Without both projects, we’ll strangle our economic development.
Granted, since both massive projects likely will cost upwards of $71 million, give or take a few dimes here and there, the state has to pony up with more funding.
Transportation planners, let by the Pied Piper (also known as Alan D. Piper), are saying without additional money we have a Sophie’s Choice between highways.
There never will be an emergence of a true consensus on that confounding either-or proposition.
That shouldn’t be the case anyway. We worship driving as a deity and roadway infrastructure is a holy grail we have too long neglected.
Bad roads, bad traffic and bad moods create micro atrocities that extrapolate into a macro picture of bad business.
Our state reps and senators gotta come through for us on this.
Get the state funds somewhere. Even if they have to exchange some educational dollars (let home schools flourish) for transportation funding.
The roads around here are in worse shape than the gravy-clogged cardiac arteries around here.
If we don’t do both of these bypass surgeries, it will be fatal to our future.

Gaffes roll like electrons off Joe Biden's salty tongue

Joe Biden, besides have the worst case of follicle crop failure in the history of mankind, is infamous for putting his foot in his mouth more frequently than a contortionist with a fetish.

Our vice president certainly lived up to the first word of his title when he dropped the F-bomb on live television in an euphoric moment on the passage of health care reform.

He spontaneously said to his boss (who happens to be President Barack Obama in case you don’t have an organizational flow chart handy), “This is a big f—ing deal.”

Of course, the video went viral on the Internet even though it was so hard to hear Biden’s bad word it was like listening, as one pundit put it, for “Paul is dead” on the Beatles’ Abbey Road.

Personally, I like it that our leaders talk like real people.

Of course, I’ve had a potty mouth since I was a kid.

My mom washed my mouth out with soap so much that my teeth are Ivory white even though my tongue isn’t.

As a kid in confession, when grilled by the priest how many times I swore, I broke it down by the hour. For the next hour or two I didn’t swear at all because for my penance I had to say enough Acts of Contrition to free at least a half-dozen damned souls from hell.

At a dinner party years ago I asked the hostess, who also happened to be the wife of my boss, to “please pass the f—ng salt” — but at least I said please.

Apparently the White House isn’t ready to hang Biden upside down from his tongue.

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs even expressed his support by tweeting: “And yes Mr. Vice President, you’re right ”

Even when he was wrong.

Obama signs health care reform into law; now comes the rough part — trying to smooth out the dents in this ugly duckling!

President Obama scrawled his John Henry today on the blatantly partisan health care reform bill, making it the law of the land.
Lucky us. We all must be butt deep in four-leaf clovers.
After all, it’s already a tough deal being a human being. We all flicker like fireflies. Alive today but never really knowing if we’re gonna be sick or dead tomorrow.
We’re all on day-to-day contracts here on Earth.
Compounding matters, dealing with hospitals, doctors and health insurance can be an even bigger nightmare than watching Kate Gosselin on Dancing With The Stars.
Now that whole damning process may be even more dangerous than treading quicksand. Sooner or later, and likely sooner, you’re gonna be in over your head.
Obama lauded those House members who had “taken their lumps” during the foundry-hot overhaul quarrel.
Indeed, some of those folks had more pyramids of hurt on their faces after the truly fierce debates than Frazier did after his fights with Ali.
And now they’re worried witless about what the voters are gonna do to them come November. Their faces may very well resemble fright masks by then.
Hope their medical insurance covers the costs of their plastic surgery.
Now Obama must pitch the Kool-Aid to a dubious American public that thinks he’s a false prophet full of falsity and wind.
Good luck with that, Mr. President.
Try not to further inflame your foes who are catching the rising tide of discontent with Big Government.

Repealicans multiply like locusts on steroids

Un-ringing the bell on health care reform is such a long shot that even the bookies in Vegas don’t have enough digits in their calculators to lay odds on it.
Nevertheless, Republicans are sounding the alarm to repeal a bill that hasn’t been even been signed into law (that’s coming tomorrow).
Milt Romney, John McCain, Newt Gingrich, Michael Steele, Tim Pawlenty, Jim DeMint and a posse of other GOPers — realizing the Obama bill is about as popular as carbuncles and open sores on the hinds of Republicans and other Americans — are leading the repeal charge over the ramparts.
But other conservatives harbor no delusions they can swim back from Waterloo.
GOP commentator David Frum writes: “No illusions please. This bill will not be repealed. Even if Republicans scored a 1994-style landslide in November, how many votes could we muster to re-open the ‘doughnut hole’ and charge seniors more for prescription drugs? How many votes to re-allow insurers to rescind policies when they discover a pre-existing condition? How many votes to banish 25-year-olds from their parents’ insurance coverage?”
Well, on that note, there seems to be no catching a horse that is out of the barn.
Where the hell is Paul Revere when you need him?