Did the royal nuptials also leave you frowning and covering your ears?

I have to confess that I did, after all, watch some of this morning’s royal wedding. Not willingly, mind you.

I would have much preferred watching ESPN to catch post-mortems on last night’s NFL draft while scrambling my eggs and scrambling to get ready for work.

But being the gallant Prince Charming that I always am to my princess wife (good thing Mrs. Zeke doesn’t have her own blog to dispute this), I indulged her whim to watch this reality TV fairy tale.

While everybody at the wedding seemed a bit overdressed, I have to admit that Princess Kate looked radiant in her Grace Kelly-inspired wedding dress. I may have a jaundiced eye but not a blind eye.

And the ceremony seemed to have a bit more class and charm than my cousin’s wedding at the Polish Falcons years ago. Or was it Ingie Pingie’s? No matter.

But what summed it all up to me was seeing Prince William’s goddaughter frowning and covering her ears on the balcony during the newlyweds’ big kiss.

Eagles' No. 1 pick incendiary but older than carbon

Quarterbacks and wideouts were the glamour boys of last night’s first-round NFL draft. Of course, glamour and Andy Reid are allergic to each other.
So our beloved Eagles, with the 23rd pick, plucked an ancient (26) offensive tackle from Baylor who likely will play guard with the Birds when he’s not putting out fires at the NovaCare Complex or playing for the Flyers.
“We felt he was as good a football player as there was in the draft,” Reid said, who obviously wasn’t going to claim he picked a stiff. “It’s not a glamour position, but it’s a position that is crucial to us. He’s got a toughness and a blue-collar attitude.”
Say hello to 6-3, 310-pound Danny Watkins, who reportedly is tougher than a five-dollar steak and until recently knew as much about football as Princess Kate.
A native of British Columbia, which never will be confused with South Philly, Watkins played hockey and rugby growing up and worked five years as a fireman before heading to a California junior college to study fire science.Then he discovered football and when the smoke cleared, wound up kicking butt at Butte before kicking even more butt at Baylor.
Watkins ain’t afraid to stick his nose into an inferno. A blue flame of competitiveness arcs up and down his spine.
“In hockey, I looked for the big hit,” he said. “In football, guys are six inches from your face, so someone’s got to win that battle, and I like winning.”
That should resonate with all the tough guys in the Linc parking lot while they’re working on their beer muscles.
Granted, Reid and the Eagles are notorious for also being allergic to players who are 30 and over. So it was somewhat stunning to see them draft a relative geezer.
“I don’t see it as an issue,” Watkins said of his age. “I took a different path. I’m not collecting my 401(k) by any means. My body’s fresh, and I’ve been out in the world and worked.”
How a body stays fresh while playing hockey and rugby and scaling burning buildings is a matter of conjecture. Let’s just pray the kid (I apply that term loosely) isn’t a late bloomer. Otherwise he’ll be collecting Social Security, assuming the Tea Party doesn’t scuttle that entitlement, while still under contract to the Birds.
Watkins sounds like a guy who won’t be singed by the belching flames fanned by the pressure of being a No. 1 draft pick.
“A couple high-pressure games (in college), and the boys are getting all worked up, and I say: ‘Trust me, boys. It could be worse,’ ” he said.
You gotta like that.
Michael Vick, who faced a firestorm of blitzes in the second half of last season, gotta like that.

Panetta, Petraeus appointments further blur the line between soldiers and spies

The fusion of soldiering and spying took another step forward with President Obama’s selections of CIA Director Leon Panetta as his next Defense Secretary and General David Petraeus to replace Panetta at the CIA.

At times American military and intelligence operatives are already virtually indistinguishable from each other.

Armed conflict, or the threat of it, never has been an Amish picnic.

But modern warfare has become increasingly complex since the Revolutionary days when American patriots hit behind trees to ambush British troops too stupid to stop marching in open fields.

For instance, Panetta turned the CIA into a paramilitary organization by escalating the use of drone strikes and building secret bases in Afghanistan. Petraeus has had troops conduct secret intelligence missions.

The elite soldier/spy has to be so cool he doesn’t even have belly-button lint and so cold-blooded he can blow by enemies like they were road kill.

Of course, James Bond was the prototype of the suave spy/killer commando combo.

Soon Marine recruits may be training in tuxes at Parris Island.

Aloha! White House releases Obama's long form birth certificate, proving he was born on a surfboard in Honolulu

Trump this, Donald!

The White House this morning released President Obama’s long form birth certificate … proving that he truly was born in Hawaii and not in Kenya or Jupiter (although he does have Mr. Spock ears).
Guess this leaves the birthers still born.
Trump, the newly minted Pied Piper of the the birthers, none of whom who belong to Mensa by the way, naturally took full credit for the release.
“I feel I’ve accomplished something really really important and I’m honored by it,” Trump said.
Yeah, right. Our country is bedeviled by all sorts of cranium-busting problems and Trump thinks the birther issue is monumental. Was he born out of his mind?

Rebel yell! Will the South rise again under Haley Barbour?

Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, short on what he termed the “absolute fire in the belly” to run for the Republican presidential nomination, has opted out of the race.

Which spares all of us from his folksy bashing of anything that doesn’t conform to the political Mississippi mindset, circa 1861.

Speaking of which, a recent poll shows that 38 percent of Mississippi Republicans wish the South had won the Civil War.

Perhaps Barbour can run for the presidency of the Confederacy now that Jefferson Davis is out of office.

Manic Monday … Syria clenches fist ever tighter; Supremes in no rush to put a stethoscope on Obamacare; palace guard barred from royal wedding duty after his online rant accuses Kate of being a snob for snub

On a Monday in which the dissent-allergic Syrian government continued to treat its citizens like termites by sending thousands of soldiers and tanks into Daraa and killing at least 11 people, and on a Monday in which the Supreme Court rejected a call from Virginia’s attorney general to put a review of Obamacare on a Talladega fast track, the really big news is that there will be one missing palace guard at Friday’s royal wedding.

Spreading like a wildfire through Texas today was the shocking news that Scots Guardsman Cameron Reilly has been dismissed from duty during the Wedding of the Week, er, Century after he ranted on Facebook that the bride-to-be snubbed him.

Man, doesn’t this 18-year-old kid know the facts of life? That life can be more difficult than opening a contrary bottle of wine? Royals, including commoners who marry royals, are not like the rest of us mere mortals. Is this uncivil? Of course. But then so is life without a chili dog. Get over it.

Reilly lashed out at Kate Middleton after she visited with Prince William last month, claiming that she gave him only a brief wave “while she looked the opposite way.”

Reilly called Middleton “stuck up” and asked “am I not good enough for them!”

Somebody should tap him on the forehead to test for termites. C’mon, man. Of course you are not good enough for her.

In monarchies, like locker rooms, all men are not created equal.

Earth Day is not the time to dump your old washer and dryer into the Schuylkill

Good Friday everybody and welcome to Earth Day, a day when even Republicans and Tea Partiers hug trees instead of tycoons.

Today is the 41st anniversary of Earth Day, which I believe was invented by pot-smoking hippies who were afraid if the environment went to hell nobody would be able to grow grass anymore. And I’m not talking about the grass Scotts grows in your backyard.

I guess we do treat the environment somewhat better than we did four decades ago when most of us thought recycling meant taking a sequel bike ride.

We no longer are completely clueless about water sanitation, carbon emissions, pollution, wasted energy, oil spills and radiation leaks. Serving as grave reminders were the BP oil spill in the Gulf and the tsunami-induced nuclear reactor crisis in Japan.

We gotta love the environment even though it’s usually harsh to us.

While you and I can’t make a grandiose contribution to Mother Earth, we can do our small part by planting a tree, starting a garden, carpooling, and removing the heater/AC, the electricity and the plumbing from our homes.

Short of all that, we can at least brush our teeth without running water. You first!

Go green to put a sheen on the planet before Armageddon fries everything brown.

Pardon me if I fail to toast William and Kate with a Crown Royal

It’s amazing that everybody in the world now is blue instead of black, white, yellow or red.
The global population looks as if it all joined the Blue Man Group.
Yes, we all have turned blue in anticipation of Prince William and Kate Middleton tying the royal knot on April 29th.
As far as the networks are concerned, anyway.
I, for one, beg to differ. The royal bore deserves a royal snore.

Birther issue update: Forget Hawaii or Kenya, Obama was born on Facebook

What TV was to JFK and what flyers on cherry trees were to George Washington, Facebook is to Barack Obama.

Forgot Joe Biden, who opens his mouth and shuts his eyes too often. Facebook honcho Mark Zuckerberg, who has yet to shave, is Obama’s right-hand man.

Obama likely wouldn’t be president today if it weren’t for Facebook and Zuckerberg. Blame them if you must. Whatever, Obama plays Facebook like Vladimir Horowitz played the piano, like Elizabeth Taylor played Eddie Fisher, like George Stephanopoulos played Michele Bachmann.

And Obama is at it again today, hosting a town hall at Facebook headquarters, a symbol of the social media goliath’s massive political clout. In fact, if Goliath could have thrown Facebook at David, the Old Testament would have been thrown a wicked curve.

Granted, Obama needs Facebook for his reelection campaign. And Facebook needs Obama so that federal regulators don’t throw Zuckerberg’s tech toy into hot water.

Then again, perhaps Zuckerberg shouldn’t have to curry favor like a court jester. Facebook has 600 million members, about twice the U.S. population, and none of them illegals.

Zuckerberg could be the most powerful man on the planet now that Roy Halladay is merely mortal.

CEOs luxuriating in an opulence fit for Louis XVI

OK, not everybody is cut out to be an NFL quarterback, a rock star, a pet rock, a lion tamer or a fitness trainer for Victoria’s Secret models.
But never fear. There is an even better gig out there and it requires only the ability to count your money.
Corporate CEO.
CEOs at 299 U.S. companies earned a staggering $3.4 billion combined in executive compensation in 2010. These folks don’t have to clip coupons to save on toilet paper.
The sum of their salaries equaled the combined average earnings of more than 100,000 workers in their respective companies. Employee morale was not higher than a kite.