If Kirstie Alley falls in the prime time forest of ABC, does it make a sound if you have your TV on mute?

Normally I have as much of an interest in Dancing With the Stars as a blind man has in Rembrandt.

But since my job is to blog on the hottest and juiciest topics pockmarking our globe, I cannot ignore apparently the biggest fall since Humpty Dumpty fell off the Berlin Wall.

I am referencing the tumble Kirstie Alley and her pro partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy, whose shirts evidently come without buttons, took last night when Maks’ thigh screamed Charlie horse and buckled underneath her at the outset of their rumba.

Neither one broke a leg and they resumed their rumba without shaking anything loose in the San Andreas Fault.

Of course, now everybody today is piling on Kirstie, who certainly has a piranha’s appetite, for being fat.

While we’re all snickering, the fat joke is on us. Alley has made a post-Cheers career out of her girth, starring in Fat Actress and Kirstie Alley’s Big Life.

The shtick obviously puts food on her table.