As the world turns … the soap opera bubble is bursting

Soaps operas are joining dinosaurs as an extinct species.

Their sudsy, scandal-soaked plotlines, which were stretched out by yawning pregnant pauses that seemed to last for eternity and a day, apparently aren’t everlasting after all.

Of course, they all had the same storylines: Everybody had a child that they gave up for adoption and who later popped out of the blue to torment them; none of the children lived with their biological parents and many of the children died from some hideous disease; marriages only lasted 5.4 days; car crashes happened more frequently than they do in NASCAR races; the wrong person always was charged with the crime; the new person in town always was a monster out to destroy people; serious conversations always were conducted in public; and some people who died really weren’t dead even if you saw the body.

After more than 40 years and more than 10,000 episodes each filled with daytime drama, ABC announced today that it is canceling both All My Children and One Life to Live. The former soap, which has been on the air since 1970, will end in September, and the latter, which began in 1968, will end in January. General Hospital will be the only soap opera remaining in the ABC daytime lineup.

Man, will we ever get over our Erica Kane fix?

Truth to be told, I sometimes cut colleges classes to watch All My Children. Damn shame they didn’t have DVRs back in the late sixties/early seventies. With a better education, I could have been either a Republican president or, better yet, a Republican tycoon who doesn’t pay taxes.

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