A real disconnect! Cell phone radiation may cause brain tumors, which isn't good

We may want to go back to rotary landline phones. Or perhaps pigeons and ravens.

Sooner or later, we knew it was too good to be true that we could walk around and ignore everybody around us while we chatted incessantly about nothing and everything on our cell phones.

Perhaps we should rethink that.

A group of experts from the World Health Organization has classified the radiation emitted from cell phones as a possible cancer-causing agent, concluding that cell phones could be associated with an increased risk for glioma, a type of brain tumor.

If you have a brain, you sure don’t want a tumor on it.

It’s hardly a shock to find this out. Stick a whole bunch of radiofrequency electromagnetic fields into your ear for an infinity of hours and it has to screw something up until you have tombstones in your eyes.

You wouldn’t catch Alexander Graham Bell dead with a cell phone. Oh, he’s already dead? Well, then perhaps he did use a cell.

For the rest of us, while there still is time, we had better opt for hands-free devices or simply text people. But don’t text while driving or while trying to hit a Cole Hamels changeup or while smoking a cigarette in an oxygen tent.

Say a prayer for all the souls who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country

I didn’t know whether to spend my Memorial Day straightening out my sock drawer or breakfasting in London, lunching in Paris, doing dinner in Milan or getting nasty in Amsterdam.

Decisions, decisions.

Then I made the best decision of all.

I decided to stay home in America, enjoying family and friends, and savoring the freedom that all our fallen soldiers and sailors paid for with their lives.

God bless them all. And God bless America.

Italian premier rips leftist judges to — can you imagine? — a baffled Obama

I admit my sense of Italian history sort of expired when the Visigoths sacked Rome. So I’m not sure how long Silvio Berlusconi has been the Italian premier, but I’m pretty sure it predates electricity.
The 74-year-old Berlusconi remains considerably more popular than a carbuncle festival in Tuscany despite currently being a defendant in four cases, three related to his business interests and one on charges of paying for sex with an underage teen.
Then again, Italians are noted for their love of La Dolce Vita.
However, I suspect Berlusconi’s brain must be in an advanced state of decay.
Berlusconi, who makes Bernie Madoff seem ethical, complained about leftist judges today to President Obama of all people.
Say what? The guy is complaining to the King of Lefties? What are they putting in this guy’s vino?
Berlusconi cornered a clearly perplexed Obama today at the G-8 summit after the delegates all had enjoyed a V-8.
The premier told Obama that leftist judges in Italy represent “almost a dictatorship.”
His comments were carried on Italian TV news broadcasts from the summit in Deauville, France. As you can imagine, Italian magistrates and his political opponents now really want to make linguini out of Berlusconi.
What is it about lefties that incenses people until they lose their senses (i.e. Tea Partiers)?
Doesn’t Berlusconi realize that Julius Caesar, Tiberius, Charlemagne, Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo da Vinci, Ramses II, Alexander the Great and Napoleon all were lefthanders?
Ditto Herbert Hoover, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Ben Franklin, John McCain, Oliver North and Joan of Arc.
Not to mention Babe Ruth, Ted Williams and Sandy Koufax.

Every day of a Palin presidential campaign would be like Christmas morning to the blogosphere

There is increasing media speculation that Sister Sarah may indeed run for president after all.
Of course, media speculation and reality very often never even scrape fenders.
Still, I have this gut feeling that Sarah Palin wants this almost as much as she wants her next breath and paycheck.
Why else would she be beginning a bus tour of historical sites on the East Coast this weekend?
After all, she’s been about as much of a history buff as Snooki.
I hope Palin does have the fire in the belly needed to stage a bid. She should. After all, she is hotter than two-lane blacktop under an August sun.
For bloggers, a Palin candidacy would be like serving vats of firewater to the Apaches. She would run as if the field was shellacked, with a pratfall and faux pas running in tandem with every stride.
And Palin always is a scream because she invariably develops lumbago when it comes to lifting the heavy details.
Go for it, Sarah! God knows that this country desperately needs some comic relief.

Psst! Did anybody tell the Queen that Obama is a smart alec?

I didn’t realize the British are either members of the Tea Party, Fox News anchors or regulars posting comments on the Zeke Blog.

Because the Brits apparently harbor a Grand Canyon-sized bias for President Obama.

In fact, they think Obama is a smart alec. Then again, the original Tea Partiers at Boston Harbor thought King George III also was a smart alec.

Scotland Yard, the UK’s police force, has given Obama the security codename Chalaque for his visit this week to the United Kingdom. The term is a Punjabi word meaning someone who is too clever for his own good.

Well, I’m as certain that the Rapture ain’t happening tomorrow either as I am that many of you feel the label is an apt description for Obama.

Scotland Yard insiders said that codewords are randomly generated by computer.

Smart alecs!

The real terror is blowin' in the wind

It’s not Islamic extremists who are striking terror into the hearts of Americans.

It’s the weather, the true weapon of mass destruction.

A tornado that killed 117 people in Missouri was the single deadliest twister in the past 60 years, according to National Weather Service.
And roughly 1,500 people have been reported missing.
Deaths and shattered lives defined by a few minutes of catastrophe that last forever.
Until this week, the single most deadliest tornado on record with the National Weather Service in the past six decades was a twister that killed 116 people in Flint, Mich., in 1953.
More deaths have resulted from outbreaks of multiple tornadoes. On April 27, a pack of twisters roared across six Southern states, killing 314 people, more than two-thirds of them in Alabama. That was the single deadliest day for tornadoes since the National Weather Service began keeping such records in 1950.
Mother Nature can be a cruel mistress who cuts like a scimitar across our land, churning it like a World War I battlefield.
And we essentially are powerless as we dangle in the wind, like puppets on a string.

Wakeup call! Pawlenty aplenty snoozy

Sorry about the delayed post today but I ran into a problem.

When I decided to blog about Republican Tim Pawlenty formally launching his presidential campaign today in Iowa, I immediately fell asleep.
Yep, the former two-term Minnesota governor is that boring. He could turn this country into a massive posse of Rip Van Winkles if his campaign has any sort of shelf life.
If operating rooms run short of anesthesia right now, Pawlenty is the best substitute. If the patient tunes into one of his speeches, it’s coma time. Even grass won’t grow around Pawlenty because it falls asleep.
But perhaps that’s good. Republicans have been way off the charts recently, swearing that the planet isn’t warming, evolution didn’t happen, the president isn’t American and the need to pay the costs of running the government can be wished away if you close your eyes.
They need to get back to their boring and solid Eisenhower roots.
Enter Tim Pawlenty, Mr. America. Put a pitchfork in his hand and put him in front of a haystack, and this guy is a heartthrob for the heartland.
Of course, Pawlenty went after President Obama today, saying he’ll change America again, and this time for the better.
Yes, sleep deprivation no longer will be an issue in this country with Pawlenty in the White House.

Roger Ailes apparently won't be looking for Sarah Palin at the next Mensa party

I usually don’t blog on Sundays, except when the Eagles are playing. But I am making an exception today to relieve all you who may have been fearful that I may have been swept up in Saturday’s Rapture.

No danger of that, of course. Only Republicans are good people. Look it up. It’s in the Bible.

Speaking of Republicans who sit at the right hand of God, Fox News chairman Roger Ailes is about as charming as a Russian gulag.

But apparently he’s smarter than he looks.

A New York magazine cover story hitting the newsstands Monday reveals that Ailes, according to a Republican close to him, thinks Sarah Palin, a Fox News contributor, is a stupid idiot.

Glad I’m not the only one who thinks Palin’s head has to be watered every morning after she’s briefed on how to eat her Wheaties.

However, Palin can’t be any dumber than Harold Camping and his Family Radio disciples who look like the village idiots after blowing their Doomsday prediction yesterday with greater force than a hay fever sufferer with a wicked cold blows his or her nose.

The only apocalypse yesterday was Camping’s credibility … assuming he even had a shred of it prior to Saturday.

Netanyahu tells Obama that 1967 is no longer totally groovy

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and President Obama are not best buds who are gonna get together every Tuesday night to play poker, drink beer, smoke cigars and make fun of the Arabs.
So their meeting today in the Oval Office had to be frostier than an Arctic iceberg prior to global warming after Obama yesterday proposed using the 1967 Israeli-Palestinian borders as a basis for a peace agreement.
Netanyahu delivered a counter punch strong enough to split a tree when he told Obama to go pound some Mideast sand. The shot left Obama with wobbly legs like a guy hanging on a high-speed subway strap.
Speaking after a meeting that went nearly two hours longer than scheduled, Netanyahu said any deal “cannot go back to the 1967 lines, because these lines are indefensible.”
Between 1948 and 1967, Netanyahu said: “These were not the boundaries of peace. They were the boundaries of repeated wars.”
Indeed, the Mideast has had more backyard brawls than the Hatfields and the McCoys.
Obama, who should have known that a pterodactyl doesn’t morph into robin, tried to save some face by saying: “Obviously, there are some differences between us in the precise formulations and language. That’s going to happen between friends.”
Pretty weak comeback there, Potsie, er, Barack.

Netanyahu essentially told reporters that Obama has the Mideast vision of Stevie Wonder.
“Peace based on illusions will crash eventually on the rocks of Middle Eastern reality,” he said.
A true renunciation, I’d say.

George W. speaking up — for a hefty price

Some folks look in the rearview mirror and see George W. Bush’s presidency as a cropless undertaking.

Well, Dubya sure is harvesting a bumper crop of cash these days.
Bush, who has shied away from the public spotlight (and microscope) as if it were radioactive since leaving office, has earned a reported $15 million (a six-figure speaking fee) on the closed-to-the-public lecture circuit.
Which is amusing, since he makes Elmer Fudd sound like a toastmaster. But apparently hedge-fund execs, Swiss bankers and accounting firms can’t get enough of his pontificating.
Of course, the rest of us are grateful that Bush no longer is on TV more often than the Geico gecko.