Today without Meredith Vieira puts the meaning back into life. Alas, it only means Ann Curry

Today is one of those good news/bad news kind of days, more up and down than an elevator on crack.

Since my better half always tunes in the Today show on NBC every weekday morning, I’m usually disappointed I woke up.

I kid you not. That’s how much I hate Meredith Vieira, who’s more nerve-frittering than scratching your fingers across a blackboard. And if you don’t know what a blackboard is, well, you simply are too young.

Suffice it to say, the snitch who broke down and fingered bin Laden’s whereabouts for us broke down after being forced to watch Meredith for 24 hours on an endless loop of agony. Talk about barbaric torture!

What made today so special about Today is that Vieira, who looks older than dirt these days, announced that she’s leaving her position at the anchor desk in June to become a cleaning lady. Viva Vieira!

That made me so happy that I immediately began doing cartwheels up and down Berkshire Blvd. In my underwear. While still holding my glass of orange juice.

Of course, when I returned home and found out that newsreader Ann Curry is taking Vieira’s place next to Matt Lauer, my wife had to restrain me from tossing our flat screen into the driveway and then backing out of our garage over it.

Ann Curry makes the skin crawl on alligators. She constantly ODs on emotion, whether she is being way too dramatic or way too silly or way too syrupy. It’s way too early in the morning for all that mush and gush.

Yep, NBC blew it. Natalie Morales, who is absolutely dead-solid perfect in every which way, should have gotten Vieira’s job instead of replacing Curry as newsreader. Justice sometimes is blinder than an NBA ref.

Memo to my wife: Time for Good Morning America on ABC tomorrow morning. Or better yet, Morning Joe on MSNBC. That Mika Brzezinski is great, but she needs a crowbar to free up some air time from mic-hogs Joe Scarborough and Willie Geist.