Obama, Biden, Boehner and Kasich to match syrupy sweet swings Saturday in a golf match that will determine the future of the Republic

They supposedly will lash lasers from the tee, strike iron shots with majestic trajectory and pristine precision, and putt like highwaymen.

Nah, I’m not talking about the U.S. Open golfers in the Washington suburbs, where Rory McIlroy is steamrolling over the field like the Democrats and Republicans would like to steamroll over each other.

For you sports fans out there, McIllroy set the record for the best 36-hole score in the 111-year history of the U.S. Open today with a 5-under-par 66 and sits at a startling 11-under 131 despite a double bogey to close his day.

Man, does anybody remember ol’ Tiger what’s-his-name?

But I digress.

The most consequential round of golf in the D.C. area Saturday will involve a foursome of President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, Speaker of the House John Boehner and Ohio Gov. John Kasich.

The match, at an undisclosed location, is being viewed by Washington insiders as holding the key to vital policy issues such as the national debt and a smooth, slow backswing.

Nothing spices a sport like a fierce, unrelenting rivalry, so this golf match should deliver excruciating and mesmerizing theater. And if the genie of golf were to grant us one wish, Obama and Boehner would arrive at the 18th hole dead even.

Talk about hysteria among the whispering pines.