Kardashian divorce triggers seismic shift in society's tectonic plates

Just like you, I needed to be shocked back to life with electric paddles after being nearly fatally shocked by the news of the Kim Kardashian divorce. No wonder Greece today looks like it’s going down the drain, taking Aristotle and Socrates with it.

Since Kardashian, who has more curves than the Phillies’ bullpen, was married just for 72 hours to NBA journeyman Kris Humphries, or slightly longer than the final two minutes of an NBA (remember that league?) game, I suspect that the entire lavish wedding was just a sham to make mucho money and keep the Kardashian brand in our faces, like it or not.

The lady is a marketing genius. She and her family certainly know how to cash in on a society more shallow than, well, reality television. I expect Kardashian to next marry an antenna for the excellent reception.

The word is that Kim is donating her wedding gown, which had to be expanded to make room for her elephantine butt, to the Los Angeles Dodgers. They plan to use it as an infield tarp.

But enough about Kardashian and her clan. Our society has bigger concerns. For starters, we must cure dyslexia before a dyslexic man walks into a bra and is charged with sexual harassment. Herman Cain, by the way, is free to use that for another explanation.