OK, let me get this straight: The Packers lost today. The Colts won today. Tebow became a mere mortal today. The Eagles stayed alive today. And the world turned upside down today.
So hang on to the furniture before you freefall into outer space.
Indeed, after today, I now believe anything is possible. For instance, I’m now convinced that Santa Claus is real and is, in fact, Jewish. Of course, so was Baby Jesus.
Assuming you’re still here on this planet, here are a few thoughts on those rascally Birds:
For starters, Eagles fans often are buy-a-vowel drunk, spewing cuss words and looking to fight. And the men are sometimes worse. Today they were just drunk with happiness because their idols didn’t perform like stuffed sausages.
Just as everyone in the universe predicted, the Birds went through the visiting Jets like the Germans went through Poland during the 1939 season.
Returning to the 2011 season, the Eagles blasted out to a 28-zip lead today as astonished onlookers swallowed their tongues and eyeballs, then coasted to a 45-19 waxing. That’s when Jets coach Rex Ryan swallowed six Pat’s cheesesteaks.
Shady McCoy had three touchdowns, giving him 17 rushing TDs and 20 overall, both club records that Steve Van Buren set before the invention of the automobile. McCoy also was in a big rush, collecting 102 yards.
The Birds’ D somehow sparkled for two straight Sundays, with Jason Babin getting three sacks for two consecutive weeks. Juan Castillo is no longer weeping like Sally Fields and can’t stop singing Feliz Navidad.
Granted, the Eagles’ playoff hopes are slimmer than dental floss.
They already are out of the wildcard playoff chase, courtesy of Detroit coming back from the dead against Oakland. But the Eagles still can win the division title by winning their last two games at Dallas and home against Washington and having the Giants, who did them a huge favor today by getting scalped by the Redskins, get grounded by the Jets before re-growing enough hair to knock off the Cowboys.
Finally, 10 Lords A-leaping have to beat 12 Drummers Drumming despite being outmanned.