Still digesting all those hot wings and beer you inhaled at a Super Bowl party?
Well, digest this:
So much for Tom Brady and Peyton Manning.
The clutch quarterback in all the land is Eli Manning, who’s as cool as a cucumber, as cool as the underside of the pillow, as cool as David Beckham’s tattoo artist, and as cool as your wife after you’ve passed gas in bed (damn hot wings!).
Eli did it again to the Patriots in the Super Bowl Sunday night, engineering the winning drive as if he were Casey Jones at the Illinois Central Railroad to lead the New York Football Giants to a 21-17 Super Bowl victory while nobody in America took a pee break for fear of missing one second of one commercial.
By the way, all you politico fans, the last time the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl was 2008.
By dumb luck, Barack Obama won the presidential election that very year. It was in all the papers.
By dumb luck, NBC’s Matt Lauer interviewed Obama during the network’s marathon Super Bowl pregame show, giving the sitting president (who by dumb luck actually was sitting) a chance to tell America that “I deserve a second term.”
What, no equal time for Mitt, Newt, Ron and Rick? Oh, well, I guess the Republicans later got their fair share of equal time when New York, America’s Wall Street team, won the Super Bowl without nary a foreclosure.
Speaking of the never-ending GOP primaries, Romney took Nevada Saturday and since the state is chock full of Mormons except for all those sinners in Las Vegas, that was as surprising as Madonna having 4,749 dancers on stage with her at the Supe halftime show.
Madonna, who must bring pomp and excess along even when she merely is flossing her teeth while cursing out Lady Gaga, had her extravaganza performance punctuated by a single extended middle finger by guest singer M.I.A.
Needless to say, NBC was not pleased. On a side note, M.I.A. will not be the next Streisand. You read it here first.
But back to Romney, who managed to stumble even in victory. He inexplicably fired his debate coach, who had turned him into a tiger in the Florida debates.
Guess Mitt truly lies to fire people because otherwise the move seems highly debatable.