Duck for cover in your basements! The tax attacks are coming! The tax cuts are coming!

Now that John Roberts has turned into the kind of cuddly American hero people want to hang from their rearview mirrors, the middle class is bracing for the tax attacks.

Thank God that the middle class has shrunk smaller than Tom Thumb’s pinky.
My fellow Americans, stay healthy my friends and avoid the health care system as if it were the plague.

Supremes fail to pull the plug on Obamacare, triggering a tsunami of nausea across America

Well, the Supreme Court – thanks to the dastardly John Roberts – failed to make Obamacare disappear today.

Unless the Republicans come through in November, we may have to hire David Copperfield to make Obamacare vanish.

The Supremes left many of us spewing cuss words and looking to fight.

Nunchucks, anybody?

A lot of angry folks may get buy-a-vowel drunk tonight.A sharply divided Supreme Court upheld the individual insurance mandate in President Obama’s health care law handing the White House a major victory on its major domestic achievement four months before the election.

Of course, the disappointing decision may trigger Mitt Romney and Co. to work all that harder to wrest the White House away from Barack Obama.

With protestors gathered outside the court’s marble halls, Chief Justice John Roberts revealed that he had joined the liberal wing in a 5-4 ruling that the federal government indeed has the power to impose a penalty on those who fail to buy insurance —through its taxing authority, not under the Interstate Commerce Clause, as the administration had argued.

Does Roberts have “666” tattooed on his chest?

While many in the Zeke Blog label me as pro-Obama, I have written fiercely in the past that I have no more interest in Obamacare than a blind man has in rainbows.

Obama gets big poll bump after immigration decision

Even mentioning a bump in the polls for Barack Obama is enough to bring out a contingent of dubious folks large enough to sink an oil derrick.

So forgive me if you think I’m dragging you all down the stairs for bringing this up, but how was I to know there was an elevator?

Three new Quinnipiac polls released today show Obama leading Mitt Romney in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania.

Short of a federal edict announcing that henceforth every U.S. household will have an in-house techno geek to help us stupid Americans reboot our routers, this is sort of big news.
The Quinnipiac polls find evidence of movement since May in Obama’s direction in Ohio and Florida and voter support for Obama’s newly announced immigration policy, particularly in Florida.
The new Florida survey is the second from Quinnipiac in June, and both give Obama a lead of four percentage points over Romney: 45 percent to 41 percent on the just completed survey and 46 percent to 42 percent on a poll conducted two weeks earlier.
These results represent a reversal from a Quinnipiac poll in mid-May that showed Romney leading by six points (47 percent to 41 percent).
For people who are so far right they’re never wrong, those numbers likely much harder to swallow than their catered lobster bisque.
Granted, poll numbers can change in a hiccup. If Obama shows up wearing high heels and a sun dress at his next campaign stop, his numbers will plummet like a baby grand piano shoved out an 87th-floor window.
Even without a fashion malfunction, Obama’s advantage with Latino voters will suffer if Romney proves smarter than the average bear and picks Marco Rubio to be his running mate.
That also would counter the Obama reelection team’s attempt to stigmatize Republicans as incurably racist.
And just where does a bogus premise such as that leave Michael Steele, who isn’t exactly a whiter shade of pale?

Supremes deliver a mixed message on Arizona immigration law

Guess this was your classic split decision, fight fans.

There is even more gray matter here than what you’ll find in my brain.

The Supreme Court today ruled that three of four provisions of Arizona’s immigration enforcement law are unconstitutional – and that a fourth could eventually be found to be.
Sounds like a big win for Obama and a big loss for Romney on the surface.
But the surface never tells the whole story. You have to dig deep into the hard dirt to find the rest of the story. Which is why this job comes with a shovel.
It’s far from clear whether the ruling will quash legislative efforts in other states to ferret out illegal immigrants in their populations.
Meanwhile, the decision does seem to validate President Obama’s stance and deepen his support with Latino voters.
And it complicates matters a bit for Mitt Romney, who took a hard-line immigration stance during the primaries and now is straddling a tightrope and pulling groin muscles while appealing to conservatives who want tougher enforcement while trying to cultivate Latino support.
But it was an incomplete win for Obama. The Supremes reversed the lower court on the most controversial part of the law, the “show me your papers” provision that requires law enforcement officers to check the immigration status of people while enforcing other laws.
By upholding this provision, the Supreme Court allowed Gov. Jan Brewer to claim victory for Arizona’s immigration enforcement effort.

So is everybody really happy? About as dumb a question as asking your wife if she’s putting on weight.

Sandusky is now where all monsters belong — in a cage

Jerry Sandusky got what he deserved last night. Life behind bars for the rest of his life. Granted, he is 68. Hope God grants him another 68 years to live so he rots in prison for decades.

Also would be nice if God hit Sandusky with a bad case of the avian flu each of those remaining months.

Once Sandusky dies, he really will get hit with the fire and brimstone. He’ll probably wind up being Pro-Am partners in hell with fellow monsters Hitler, Stalin and one of those African dictators who slaughtered millions.

To the very end, Sandusky was more stoic than Rushmore granite. Who, outside the Penn State community, once would have imagined that a guy who looks so square he should be divisible by four would be such a creepy and hyperactive predator?

Sandusky chewed up kids’ lives like balsa wood. And in the process chewed up Happy Valley’s pristine image for eternity, toppling iconic Joe Paterno and school president Graham Spanier.

Sandusky, of course, abused all those boys again during the trial. He should have had the guts to plead guilty and spare his victims from further gut-wrenching shame and humiliation by forcing them to squirm horribly on the witness stand, recalling how Sandusky, like a rabbit on Viagra, kept molesting them in campus showers, basement bedrooms and the football team sauna. And still found the time to write them make-me-gag-now mash letters.

Of course, this trial was not just about a monster with off-the-charts criminal and psychological issues.

This also was about and continues to be about the dereliction of duty by Penn State administrators, leading to the most horrific scandal ever in American sports.

People at Penn State knew for some time who and what Sandusky actually was, let they allowed him to roam free and prey on children.
They kept it all in the family. What a bunch of meatheads!
They did it simply to protect the brand — Joe Paterno and Penn State football. Just took the page out of the Roman Catholic Church playbook and ran with it.
It didn’t work. Justice did take its damn sweet time, but got it done. Check that. Justice isn’t finished balancing the scales on this cesspool.
In the wake of the Sandusky tsunami of destruction, the mythology of Penn State and its once-hallowed football coach has been torn from top to bottom like the heavy curtain in the Temple of Jerusalem.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men won’t be able to restore the Camelot of Happy Valley. You see the king, JoePa I, is dead.

Romney sort of tackles immigration

I know it’s hot out today, so hot that bad guys in Reading are using water pistols instead of Glocks and birds are so exhausted by the heat they’re walking.

Of course, you and I know it’s never too hot to talk politics and get everybody hot under the collar.

Today Mitt Romney promised Latinos that he would swiftly reform the American immigration system — once again without saying whether he would end President Obama’s policy allowing some young undocumented immigrants reprieve from fear of deportation.
Granted, it’s traditional for a politician to be vague. Thomas Jefferson taught that in Politics 101.
“I will put in place my own long-term solution that will replace and supersede the president’s temporary measure,” Romney said.
Lots of details, of course, were more missing than bicuspids in West Virginia.
Actually, there was a detail or two, probably because tacos were on Mitt’s menu today. He actually came out in support of visa reform.
I’m not sure if Romney’s memory still whirs like a giant Transformer.
His remarks today were a far cry from his comments on immigration during the primary season.
During that debatable 100 Years War, Romney was one of the candidates who veered hardest to the right on immigration.
He promised to veto the Dream Act and termed Arizona a model to the nation for its law requiring employers to check the legal status of all job applicants using the federal E-Verify program.
Romney also said then that he would implement policies that encourage undocumented people to “self deport” by making life more difficult for them in the United States,
Such talk during the general campaign hardly would have Latinos doing jumping jacks in November.

House panel votes to cite Holder for contempt of Congress despite Obama invoking executive privilege

Pretty soon President Obama is going to wear out that executive privilege button.
He did it again today, asserting his executive privilege over a document sought by the House committee investigating the botched Fast and Furious gun-running sting — a move that didn’t deter a House oversight committee from voting to hold Attorney General Eric Holder in contempt.
Of course, with a president who reaches for executive privilege as often as he does the Gillette Foamy, Congress will have to keep flexing its muscles or soon become just so much Cheez Whiz.
Rep. Darrell Issa, who has been flying at Holder like runaway Blackhawk blades, claims Holder has not handed over enough documents relating to the Fast and Furious scandal — which provided guns to Mexican cartels.
Holder claims he made an extraordinary offer, which Issa rejected. Issa claims otherwise.
Until Nostradamus rises from the grave and can once again predict the future, we need to play this standoff off.

Romney admits his campaign is vetting Rubio

OK, so much for media reports. Apparently some news sources don’t hit .968. Even Ty Cobb couldn’t and word is the old Georgia Peach was no great shakes with an iPad either.

Mitt Romney said today that his campaign is “thoroughly vetting” Marco Rubio as it searches for a running mate despite reports that the Florida senator is not being considered.

Of course, I wouldn’t be as startled as finding a dead polar bear in my basement if the Romney campaign began vetting Rubio just to show the media just who has their hands on the steering wheel.

Of course, vetting a vice presidential prospect is slightly more important to a presidential candidate than drawing his next breath.

Remember the witless Sarah Palin? John McCain wishes he couldn’t.

Remember the nutty Tom Eagleton. Next to garnering only two votes in 1972, he was George McGovern’s biggest regret.

So Romney’s staff is vetting Rubio to make sure the dude doesn’t have any skeletons sharing space with his expensive suits in his closet.

Embarrassing things like walking down church aisles in flippers and a snorkel. Tossing rigatoni noodles at young children and old cocker spaniels. Hanging out in strip clubs with Mormon dancers.

After all, a creep running for veep is a hard sell in America’s heartland.

Rubio is an attractive choice to share the ticket. Unlike Romney, the Republican base likes Rubio. And Hispanic voters obviously would totally forget that Barack Obama is sucking up to them if Rubio joined the ticket.

One fly in the ointment — and has anyone ever seen a fly actually land on ointment? — is that Rubio has repeatedly denied any interest in running for the White House with Romney.

Never let details get in the way of a good story.

Obama to debate Kerry as prep for Romney

Baseball has spring training. The NFL has exhibition games. Fighters have sparring partners.
It’s to polish their games, of course, so they don’t get waxed like show cars when they play for keeps.
Which is why presidential candidates have mock debate rehearsals.
The Obama campaign said today the president will debate John Kerry, the party’s 2004 presidential nominee, as he tunes up for his three fall debates with Mitt Romney.
Everybody needs a hobby. Some guys golf. Some guys bowl. Some guys collect cars. Some guys collect women. Some guys, like Kerry, study Romney’s career and campaign for nearly two decades.
Just a hunch, but Kerry must have insomnia or otherwise he would have been snoring like Rip Van Winkle for years.
Kerry’s job is to train Obama to stay off the debatable ropes and don’t allow himself to get, ahem, swift boated.

Obama administration sparing some from deportation

Oops. Republicans are going to find this more difficult to swallow than razor blades washed down with Drano.
Indeed, the GOP couldn’t have been more surprised if a squirrel had jumped into their soup.
The Obama administration announced today that it’s halting deportations of up to 800,000 illegal immigrants who were brought to the country as children.
For those of you scoring from home, congressional Democrats have tried and failed to pass the Dream Act, which has nothing to do with the Dream Team.
The Dream Act would grant legal status to illegal immigrants who arrived here as kids and have now completed high school and either attended college or served in the military.
Said President Obama: “This is not amnesty. This is not immunity. This is not a path to citizenship. It’s not a permanent fix. This is a temporary, stopgap measure that lets us focus on our resources wisely while giving a degree of relief and hope to patriotic young people. It’s the right thing to do.”
That it is. Kids had no choice but to come along with their parents, unless they wanted to stay home and fend for themselves. Fat chance of that.
The chess move by Obama also is an end run on Republicans in an election year.
Another reason why voting booths this November should be percolating like your morning coffee.
I would say this just might be a game-changer in the election.