Nothing lasts forever, unless you’re reading a book by Friedrich Nietzsche.
Take today, for instance. It soon will morph into tomorrow. And I can’t wait for tomorrow because I get better looking every day.
But before we bid adieu to today, let’s point out three sea changes it has wrought:
One, the Democrats and Republicans actually can agree on something besides their mutual distrust. Congressional leaders made a deal to continue funding the government through March 2013 – meaning that Uncle Sam won’t have to ask Mitt Romney for a loan.
Two, the Phillies finally admitted they have run down like a $2 alarm clock. After downshifting like Vin Diesel all season, they dumped salary by shipping Shane Victorino to the Dodgers and Hunter Pence to the Giants for household names only in their own houses. In the wake of the housecleaning, Woody Allen is playing right field and hitting fifth tonight.
Three, Michael Phelps has gone from swimming victory laps to circling the drain. He blew a gold medal in the 200-meter butterfly, but his silver was his record-tying 18th career medal. Like Nietzsche said, nothing is black and white — only beige.
Finally, as tomorrow prepares to dawn in a few, fleeting hours, synchronized diving now is all the rage in lunatic asylums. It has to be the most pointless endeavor since the Brits invented dwarf tossing.
Mitt Romney might be better off on his overseas trip if he zipped his lips tighter than a thong on Kirstie Alley when she plops off the diet wagon.
First Romney offended the Brits and now he has angered the Palestinians while making nice-nice to Israel.
Romney told Jewish donors today that their culture is part of what has allowed them to be more economically successful than the Palestinians, outraging Palestinian leaders who suggested his comments were racist and out of touch with the realities of the Middle East.
Romney’s campaign later said his remarks were mischaracterized. But it was too late to un-ring that fire bell.
One reason why the Palestinians were angrier than Republicans stuck in an elevator with James Carville was because they blame the Israeli occupation as a major driving factor in the GDP gap between Israel and Palestine.
It would take a lot of infrastructure money to bridge that yawning cultural gap.
For those of you who are not color blind, you may have noticed that Barack Obama is black.
Should this matter? Of course not.
However, there are some Democrats who claim that Obama’s whiter-shade-than-pale campaign this year is because of racism, claiming that some Americans and Republicans are about as comfortable with a multiethnic society as they are juggling porcupines.
One problem with that: What happened to all that bias in 2008 when Obama won the presidency? Did Obama’s hope-and-change magic turn them all, well, color blind?
I have more doubts than an atheist at the Vatican.
You can color Obama’s campaign travails this time. And that would be the color of money. I believe that would be green if memory serves me correctly. After all, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen any.
Obama’s White House automatic transmission misfired, shifting him from forward into reverse.
An economy floundering like a dolphin flopping from the Schuylkill River onto Penn Street is why Mitt Romney is even in the conversation.
Granted, now there’s a guy with money!
Mitt Romney wanted to be the toast of London.
But now he’s toast in London.
And then London mayor Boris (why isn’t this guy the mayor of Moscow?) Johnson buttered that toast with disrespect.
At a boisterous pre-Olympics rally today, Johnson ridiculed Romney for questioning the city’s readiness for the Games.
“People are coming from around the world and they’re seeing us,” Johnson told an estimated 60,000 people who had gathered to mark the end of the Olympic Torch relay. “There are some people who are coming from around the world who don’t yet know about all the preparations we’ve done to get London ready in the last seven years. I heard there’s a guy called Mitt Romney who wants to know whether we’re ready. Are we ready? Yes we are!”
Then Johnson really put the Tower of London screws (figuratively, mind you) to Romney.
Johnson finished his appearance by leading the crowd in a chant of “Yes We Can” — Barack Obama’s famous and now infamous campaign slogan from 2008.
Of course, Romney was correct about “disconcerting” signs including concerns about the Games’ security firm. The Brits had to bring in the army because the private security firm afforded less protection than Dial Deodorant.
Then again, never go out of your way to offend your hosts. Especially if you’re running for president.
At least Romney didn’t defame the memory of Benny Hill.
The interesting thing about presidential campaigns is that when advisors speak, their words or context often are sprinkled with small fingers of doubt.
Then both sides scramble about like field mice … a constant game of stimulus and response … more spinning than the globe sitting on a top perched on a whirling merry-go-round.
No wonder we all get dizzy.
The U.K.’s Daily Telegraph reported today that that one of Mitt Romney’s advisers said: “We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage, and he feels that the special relationship is special. The White House doesn’t fully appreciate the shared history we have.”
While we live in a world of color, racism usually is black and white. So naturally that comment ignited accusations of racism – not least of all from Obama guru David Axelrod.
The implication from some people’s perspective was that Romney is better equipped to understand the relationship between London and the U.S. because he is of Anglo-Saxon heritage and Obama’s father was born, well, in Kenya.
The Romney campaign fully denied the Daily Telegraph report.
Mitt will be in London for the Olympics and likely won’t be rooting for Kenya to medal in anything.
Mitt Romney is prepping for his first overseas trip of the campaign so it’s time to pretend that foreign policy isn’t all that foreign to him.
So he brought out the tanks and rolled over Barack Obama. Squashed him like a grape. Splat! Patton would have been so proud.
Romney today accused the president of trying to gain a political edge in by leaking classified information about the U.S. military raid that killed Osama bin Laden.
Romney picked the right time to throw a haymaker at Obama on national security issues. Romney did so during an address to the Veterans of Foreign Wars, whose elderly members apparently still nodded off.
Mitt claimed Obama jeopardizes America’s standing in the world in exchange for political gain.
Obama, who is hardly shy about playing the bin Laden trump card as a badge of honor, responded that he has zero tolerance for leaks because they are damaging to national security interests as well as to the room below an upstairs bathroom.
The NCAA opted not to give Penn State football the death penalty today in the wake of the school’s despicable cover-up of Jerry Sandusky’s sexual predator crimes on and off campus.
NCAA president Mark Emmert did kill the program. Not with a single gunshot. Not with a hangman’s noose. Not with a guillotine.
Rather, he is slowly bleeding Penn State football to death. Suddenly those pale white uniforms are a perfect fit.
The NCAA sanctions are unprecedented: a $60 million fine, a four-year bowl ban, capped scholarships at 20 below the normal limit for four years, five years’ probation, and vacated 112 wins – further mutilating Joe Paterno’s legacy.
The Big Ten also piled on, depriving Penn State of its share of conference bowl revenues over four years – another $13 million loss.
The Nittany Lions soon will have to schedule Albright, Kutztown and Fleetwood High to remain competitive. Home sellouts will join dinosaurs and flying water buffaloes as an extinct species.
Granted, football is inconsequential compared to the devastation Sandusky wrought – a decades-long crime spree aided and abetted by a university so myopic that it couldn’t see beyond football and the institution.