Guess what, my fellow political junkies?
Mitt Romney finally dumped his 2011 tax returns this afternoon and I was so shocked my fingers went number than the folks in the morgue.
I simply couldn’t bring myself to type for a couple hours, my digits frozen in astonishment.
Romney’s tax release couldn’t have been more startling to me than if he had suddenly done a triple toe loop in sequins across the ice cubes in my Crown Royal Manhattan on the rocks.
Well, the guy either got violently ill and delirious from some bad catered lobster bisque or suddenly is more desperate than a mortally wounded yak.
Then again, I simply can’t imagine why Romney would be so desperate. After all, things lately have been going more swimmingly for him than Michael Phelps.
So what gives? For months Romney has resisted political pressure on him to reveal more info on his large personal fortune.
Perhaps the guy simply is trying to change the conversation and stop people from making fun of him. He’s become such a pin cushion that his body resembles a sprinkler in the shower.
Of course, his Friday afternoon news dump was a rather convenient ploy to somewhat bury the story. By then the liberal media types, being the rascals they are, are heading for cocktails and cocktail waitresses.
It turns out that Romney, Harry Reid to the contrary, actually paid some taxes.
He earned $13.69 million in 2011, mostly income from his investments, and paid $1.9 million in taxes for an effective tax rate of 14.1 percent.
His campaign staff also said that Romney and his wife averaged an effective annual federal tax rate of 20.2 percent between 1990 and 2009, and never paid an effective rate below 13.6 percent.
I guess it’s not a fable that the taxman cometh even for plutocrats.