John Boehner still speaking for the House even though he has been rendered mute

Being House speaker these days requires a person who can do a full split because you have to straddle a split Republican party as well as the bickering partisanship between the splintered GOP and the Democrats.

Since no flexible Olympic gymnasts applied for the job, John Boehner was handily reelected today.

Which probably made him feel like jumping off a physical cliff, say the Grand Canyon.

Granted, his opposition was what the Washington Generals used to be to the Harlem Globetrotters — losers. Which is why Boehner garnered 220 votes.

Nancy Pelosi, the dragon queen, was second with 192 but half of them had to be cast tongue in cheek.

Eric Cantor, who actually wants the job like his next breath, had a mere three votes. He will be sulking for 10 years.

By the way, Colin Powell received one vote and he (lucky him) is not even in the House.

What? No votes for Kim Kardashian or Kanye West or their love child?

So Boehner is the guy, even though his tenure has been more rocky than the Rocky Mountains or Lindsay Lohan’s life.

His Plan B in the fiscal cliff was an almost comical farce, everybody in New Jersey and New York wants to turn him into flotsam because he failed to bring up the Hurricane Sandy aid bill, and last year he brought the country to the brink of default when his caucus balked at raising the federal-debt ceiling in another down-to-the-wire drama.

With a resume like that, he would be lucky to be elected dog catcher. But nobody barks up that occupational tree anymore.

However, he does smoke and drink and those are two prime prerequisites for a job more ticklish than working on a bomb disposal unit.