Yesterday, all our troubles seemed so far away. Now one-piece swimwear is replacing bikinis. Oh, I believe in yesterday

If you already knew that the number 13 was more unlucky than a displaced hippie from the 1960s in 2013, you knew that this bad news was coming like an arrest warrant for a crime you didn’t commit.

Even though the temps are dropping low enough to give a polar bear the chills and goose bumps, here comes a warning flare to all males that one-piece swimwear, not bikinis, is the rage of the year.

For guys with semi-functioning blood clots for a pulse, this should be game, set and match.

No need for Viagra, my friends, for this should put your desire in mothballs for eternity. Yes, my pals, we have been used and abused by ruthless females and fashion designers.

Stylish celebs like Beyonce and divinely inspired not-so-secret Victoria’s Secret Models are now rocking one-piece bathing suits or “maillots” as they are called by ladies hot enough to boil eggs.

So much for the gospel that itsy bitsy bikinis were here for forever.

The lesson learned: Never trust anybody wearing Maybelline.

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