Will sequestration make Uncle Sam a toothless old coot?

It could be that soon Uncle Sam will have no choice but to make love, not war.

Considering that Uncle Sam is well over 200 years old, that may take a ton of testosterone and Viagra pills.

Because if sequestration launches March 1, the military faces $500 billion in budget cuts over the next decade.

Hell, the bad dudes roaming our streets with assault weapons with more clips than Jon Stewart has quips will have more firepower than Uncle Sam.

Of course, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta is not pleased since his job for now is to defend defense.

So Panetta went on offense today and claimed that the cuts would make the U.S. a second-rate power.

I guess Belgium will be kicking sand in our faces. Switzerland will invade us. Monaco will bomb us with Monte Carlo casino chips.

As you all know, the world is a more volatile place than even Capitol Hill.

Uncle Sam should be armed and dangerous.

Otherwise the barbarian hordes will be sacking the White House.

Look what happened to the Romans. We’d all be speaking Latin if they hadn’t grown soft and weak from all those orgies.

It’s a shame Panetta didn’t double down on the stock market today, because the Dow did ingest some Viagra and closed above 14,000 for the first time in five years.


2 thoughts on “Will sequestration make Uncle Sam a toothless old coot?

  1. At least the wars won’t drag on.

  2. Yo, we still have plenty of bullets.

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