Lindsey Graham not ready to rock and roll on Hagel and Brennan nominations

On this night when the Grammy Awards are captivating America, you probably couldn’t find a lot of people who still are focusing on the terrorist attack in Benghazi, Libya.

Especially with the Oscars coming up, everybody is so retro with terrorist attacks and obsessing with Argo.

Trust me, nobody ever accused Lindsey Graham of being a superficial pop culture groupie.

That no more fits the DNA of a Republican Senator from South Carolina than Timothy Leary chromosomes.

Graham may have two hips, but he sure as hell isn’t hip.

Graham plans to block two of President Barack Obama’s top national security nominees until he gets answers from the White House on Benghazi.

Granted, Graham may have to employ water boarding to get some answers on that.

When it comes to that subject, the White House couldn’t be anymore tight-lipped had it being wearing Superglue lipstick.

I guess it’s waiting for Ben Affleck to film the true story 30 years hence.

Speaking on CBS’s “Face the Nation” today, Graham said he was not going to let Chuck Hagel go forward as Secretary of Defense nor let John Brennan move ahead as CIA director unless he gets more information on the president’s involvement in the response to the consulate attack that resulted in the killing of Ambassador Chris Stevens and three others.

Graham’s obstructionism is enough to give the president facial tics.

But I’ll worry about that tomorrow. For now, I’m concentrating on who is popping out of their Grammy dresses.

Unlike Graham, I know cool even more than a guy named Biff with 12-pack abs and Freon nerves.

A blizzard of a name game

I like it that hurricanes and tropical storms have names.

They personalize the assassins who stalk us and destroy us.

Nobody wants to be tormented by a bully they can’t put a name to.

My only complaint is why there never seems to be a hurricane named Zeke.

The Weather Channel now is naming winter storms, too. There’s no discrimination among those folks apparently.

This has kicked up a storm with the National Weather Service, which has advised its forecasters not to follow The Weather Channel’s lead.

Can’t anybody get along?

Nevertheless, I think these winter storm names will catch on.

But they’ve got to come up with better names. The monster storm of the century that supposedly is going to smother New England tonight is named Nemo.

Say what?

Did they name it after Captain Nemo?

If so, why?

Wouldn’t Death From Above have a much more we’re-all-gonna-die fear factor?

With a name like that, toilet paper would be flying off the supermarket shelves because everybody would be scared you know what.

I’m just glad that I live in relatively tropical Berks County, PA, where already Nemo seems destined to fizzle like the hula hoop or Chris Christie’s six-pack.

As of this writing they have cancelled the winter storm warning for these parts and we’re down to a measly winter weather advisory.

Which suits me just fine. So I will refrain from renaming this storm Wimp.

Republican hardball will mean hard times

Playing kick the can is fine for kids who need a respite from all their digital apps.

But playing kick the can down the road is simply a measure of desperation for adults.

With a long-term budget deal looking dimmer than the Superdome was for 34 minutes during the Super Bowl, President Obama called on Congress today to pass a mix of stopgap measures to avert the economic damage from the forthcoming sequester cuts and give Congress more time to figure out a solution.

Guess what? Even if that can starts rattling down the road, a solution may prove as elusive as a butterfly.

No wonder that Obama suddenly is looking like a guy watching his Jaguar catch fire in the driveway.

It appears as if the Republicans simply want to cut spending and damn the consequences, even if it cripples our military might.

When that GOP machine of a mindset whirs like a giant Transformer, the swath of destruction can be stacked like piles of cordwood.

If the Republicans get their way, the austerity the cuts induce will cost oodles of jobs and batter the economy more than a speed bump in the Target shopping complex parking lot on Broadcasting.

Granted, we need to cut spending. But with a machete, not a wheat thresher.

Too much austerity when an economy is on life support is what turned Europe into a helpless overturned turtle.

Across-the-board cuts to defense programs and domestic discretionary programs (not to Social Security and entitlements) would start to take effect March 1 and over the next seven months would likely mean $55 billion in defense cuts and $27 billion in domestic cuts and, insert drum roll here, cost at least a million jobs.

The bigger collateral damage will be to the economy, which could be wheezing its terminal breath.

Ravens’ Super Bowl thriller a high voltage (maybe not) event

Sort of an electric Super Bowl last night, don’t you think?

The 34-minute blackout in the Superdome was quite the digital divide, sort of like Moses parting the Red Sea.

The Ravens, with Joe Flacco spiraling precise pigskins, were up 28-6 when half the stadium went dark.

I wonder if the ghost of Joseph Conrad scripted this Heart of Darkness sequel.

Perhaps Beyonce’s highly charged halftime performance overloaded a breaker, but at least to me, watching Beyonce was worth the subsequent delay. Talk about a performer with juice.

That bizarre blackout turned the blowout into a shootout as Colin Kapernick began unleashing piercing passes downfield to climb back into the apocalyptic fray.

But the Niners’ furious comeback came up short in the waning minutes as the Ravens and retiring legend/lightning road Ray Lewis mounted a valiant goal-line stand against some dubious 49er play selection.

Suffice it to say that Lewis will be bellowing about that last stand until hell freezes over and turns Lucifer into Frosty the Snowman.

John bested Jim 34-31 in the Brothers Harbaugh bash, but nothing came easy in the Big Game in the Big Easy.

Will sequestration make Uncle Sam a toothless old coot?

It could be that soon Uncle Sam will have no choice but to make love, not war.

Considering that Uncle Sam is well over 200 years old, that may take a ton of testosterone and Viagra pills.

Because if sequestration launches March 1, the military faces $500 billion in budget cuts over the next decade.

Hell, the bad dudes roaming our streets with assault weapons with more clips than Jon Stewart has quips will have more firepower than Uncle Sam.

Of course, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta is not pleased since his job for now is to defend defense.

So Panetta went on offense today and claimed that the cuts would make the U.S. a second-rate power.

I guess Belgium will be kicking sand in our faces. Switzerland will invade us. Monaco will bomb us with Monte Carlo casino chips.

As you all know, the world is a more volatile place than even Capitol Hill.

Uncle Sam should be armed and dangerous.

Otherwise the barbarian hordes will be sacking the White House.

Look what happened to the Romans. We’d all be speaking Latin if they hadn’t grown soft and weak from all those orgies.

It’s a shame Panetta didn’t double down on the stock market today, because the Dow did ingest some Viagra and closed above 14,000 for the first time in five years.