Freeways, earthquakes, leftover hippies and Lindsay Lohan have been the biggest threats to safety in California.
But North Korea’s improvement in long-range missile technology is spooking everybody but Korean restaurant owners on the West Coast.
Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel are so scared they’ve stopped making fun of Kim Jong Un for being shorter than a popsicle stick.
Once upon a time Arnold and Sly could have saved the day, but those guys are longer in the tooth than saber-toothed tigers snacking at the La Brea Tar Pits.
Consequently, new Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel announced today that the U.S. is building up its missile-defense system on the West Coast in response to threats from North Korea.
Fourteen missile interceptors will be added in California and Alaska, a 50 percent increase from the current levels of 26 interceptors in Alaska and four in California.
In addition, the feds have hired Star Wars creator George Lucas to create an army of Darth Vader clones to fly starships 24/7 over California air space.