When the Eagles signed Nnamdi Asomugha, he supposedly had better coverage skills than the all-knowing Philadelphia sporting press.
But in two years with the Birds, Asomugha blew his cover as an elite corner.
He had trouble covering Billy Penn’s statute. At times he wasn’t even in the same zip code as the receiver. He did more oles than a matador.
Asomugha soon became the symbol of a franchise getting more concussed than a run-stuffer playing without a helmet.
Consequently, the Eagles hardly shook up the world today when they released Nnamdi.
Granted, the Eagles and Asomugha had spent recent days trying to restructure his deal, but nobody really expected that to happen unless he opted to play for $1.25 a game plus a bag of soft pretzels.
Nnamdi was scheduled to make $15 million this year. The Birds will have to pay him $4 million of that money, which will count against their salary cap.
But the $11 million in savings puts them about $44 million under the cap and gives them the flexibility to plunder the booty in free agency if they so choose.
General Electric’s accountants and CFO must be a tad smarter than the average bear.
Which is a shame for Uncle Sam, because GE is, ahem, electrocuting him.
GE reportedly held $108 billion in profits overseas at the end of year, a ploy to avoid paying taxes.
GE reportedly paid no U.S. taxes at all in 2010 and despite earning billions in profits, paid an average tax rate of just 1.8 percent between 2002 and 2011.
I don’t know about you, but I’m going to overturn my sofa and send those few coins overseas.
If God had meant politicians to filibuster, He would have created bigger bladders for them.
Just ask Rand Paul, who filibustered against John Brennan being confirmed as CIA czar for 13 hours until he had to quit at 12:39 a.m. this morning because his eye teeth were floating and his eyes were more yellow than Jersey corn.
When you gotta go, there’s no holding back that tsunami.
Paul, like all zealots ablaze with missionary zeal, works a cause the way Stradivarius worked spruce and maple.
Hell, Paul even considered using a catheter to prevent the necessary bathroom break.
Now that’s being committed enough to be, uh, committed.
By the way, it was all for naught because the Senate confirmed Brennan today.
However, you could say that Paul didn’t wind up, ahem, pissing in the wind.
The purpose of his filibuster was to draw attention to the Obama administration’s use of drones.
Attorney general Eric Holder told Paul today in a letter (what? no email, text or tweet?) that drones would not be used on U.S. soil.
Saving face if not his bruised bladder, Paul insisted the filibuster was worth it to get that letter.
His bladder was unavailable for comment.
Venezuelan despot Hugo Chávez is dead at the age of 58.
Since Chavez apparently was a fan of life after death here on earth if not in heaven, I wonder if he already is plotting a return to Venezuela.
After all, these dictators often find it difficult to let go, sort of like a drowning main clinging to a Heidi Klum blowup doll.
Chávez once ordered the exhumation of the mortal remains of Simón Bolívar, leader of Latin America’s rebellion against Spain, who died in 1830.
The skeleton reportedly was picked apart — even as Chávez tweeted the proceedings — and some teeth and bone fragments were taken away for testing. The residual pieces were placed in a coffin stamped with the Chávez government’s seal.
In a subsequent speech, Chávez appealed to Jesus Christ to restage the raising of Lazarus and reanimate Bolívar’s constituent parts.
If Bolívar indeed is the second coming of Lazarus, he is keeping it quiet. And Jesus isn’t saying.
I suspect Chávez would not adopt such a low profile.
Dennis Rodman was an NBA rebounding machine but otherwise has lived his strange life as the poster child for a human being turned train wreck.
This dude simply oozes insanity. When he goes into a massage parlor, he asks to be blotted. Rodman is as near to normal as say Kim Jong Un.
No wonder the two crazies have become implausible and wacky best buds, with Rodman just back from his improbable and surreal visit to North Korea.
Rodman called Kim “awesome” even though millions are starving in North Korea and human rights are a decidedly foreign concept.
Apparently Rodman has hidden – if rather clueless — ambassadorial skills that somehow remain buried under his bizarre lifestyle until now.
Dennis the Menace, who hung out, drank and ate with the diminutive basketball junkie/groupie Kim while on a visit with the Harlem Globetrotters, said the nutball dictator, despite recent nuclear tests, doesn’t want war with the U.S.
He just wants President Obama to call him and possibly talk about their shared passion – hoops.
I guess Kim was just indulging in some playful nuclear saber rattling to get Obama’s attention.
Perhaps they should include the loquacious and bombastic Charles Barkley on a conference call.
By the time those three are done talking, North Korea could wind up being the 51st state, which should hiss off Puerto Rico, and David Stern, the only guy on the planet shorter than Kim, could award Pyongyang an NBA franchise and let Rodman coach the team.