Titillating news: Bras don’t help the sag

Sometimes news is so startling that it generates sound waves that punch holes in the air. And, like a bout with pneumonia, takes your breath away.

Today’s astonishing news that bras don’t help breasts defy gravity undoubtedly was like an ice pick in the ear drums of the corporate suits, er, underwear at Victoria’s Secret.

Setting off a piercing banshee wail from women everywhere was a French researcher who found evidence that bras actually can make breasts (gasp!) sag more.

Women who wear bras like a second skin must now feel like, ahem, real boobs.

Using calipers to measure changes in the breasts of 330 women ages 18 to 35 over 15 years, the researcher with the best job in the world for over 15 years discovered that wearing a brassiere actually prevents “supporting tissues” from growing and causes breasts to “wither” and “gradually degrade.”

I guess all those bra burners, circa 1960s and 1970s, were onto something.

Now polite society, which traditionally has viewed braless women as a more disgusting public spectacle than watching a hanging, will have to adjust.


One thought on “Titillating news: Bras don’t help the sag

  1. Gwen says:

    Gee, no boob guys out there? I wonder how many women that hit the media bulging over the top have real ones. They rarely jiggle.

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