Record carbon dioxide level a bigger monster than even Ariel Castro

Perhaps this isn’t as sexy as home run records, at least when they are broken by guys not ripped on roids.

But there was one record set this week that could leave all of us broken.

The carbon dioxide level in the atmosphere broke the dreaded 400 parts per million mark on May 9, a milestone (millstone around our necks?) surpassed for the first time in human history.

The record carbon dioxide level could hit our planet out of the park.

The last time carbon dioxide was regularly above this level was 3 million to 5 million years ago, before Adam and Eve, not to mention automotive vehicles, factories, Rush Limbaugh and Chris Matthews, arrived on the scene.

While some scoff that alarming atmospheric concentrations of carbon dioxide exacerbate the effects of climate change, others are convinced that CO2 emissions from the burning of fossil fuels are loading the climate dice and contributing to more violent weather anomalies and extreme heat waves.

Global warming is turning Mother Nature into a fry cook. And we and our descendants are the ones who will be sizzling on the grill!

Mark Sanford makes the most startling comeback since Lazarus

Some guys tear a labrum reaching for redemption.

Not Mark Sanford.

He didn’t even have to reach and salvation was his.

If Michelangelo still were wielding a brush, he would paint Sanford’s portrait and hang it on the Vatican ceiling.

For Sanford, the road back from the Appalachian Trail leads to Capitol Hill.

Only in South Carolina, where trapped inside voters is the mind of a jackass.

Sanford, the disgraced former Republican South Carolina governor, shockingly won back his old congressional seat Tuesday night, defeating Stephen Colbert’s sister — Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch — by a 54 percent to 45 percent margin in a high-turnout special election.

Compared to Custer, Sanford was even money.

Sanford was trailing 9 points in a PPP poll just two weeks ago.

Even the Republican National Congressional Committee decided that Sanford was a lost cause, withdrawing its cash from his campaign.

They should have known that liberal Democrats are gator bait in South Carolina and that Sanford would ride the 18 percent cushion Republicans have in the coastal First District like a magic carpet.

You can’t make this up: The officer in charge of the Air Force’s sexual assault prevention program arrested for sexual assault

Some folks must have algae growing between their brain cells.

No wonder humankind often is a rolling carnival of insane irony.

In the latest example of why real life can be more bizarre than Stephen King fiction, the officer in charge of the Air Force’s sexual assault prevention program has been arrested for (insert drum roll here, please) sexual assault.

Lt. Col Jeffrey Krusinski was arrested early Sunday in Arlington, Virginia.

As too many NFL head coaches and bettors have found to their dismay over the years, a prevent defense never works.

The crime report states that a drunken male subject approached a female victim in a parking lot and grabbed her breasts and buttocks.

Man, Krusinski must have been flying high. This was a meltdown of Mel Gibson proportions.

As career moves go, this wasn’t exactly a prudent one.

The Air Force has grounded Krusinski from his post since he already had buried himself.

Obamacare about as healthy as a bag of chips washed down with a chocolate shake taller than the Willis Tower

Wouldn’t it be just be peachy if President Obama woke up tomorrow and smelled the insanity of Obamacare before it strangles all of us by contractive spasm?

Just look at Oregon, a state a lot of folks overlook because it’s way up there in the far northwest about a dogsled ride from the Arctic Circle.

Oregon initiated an ambitious health care policy in 2008 that guaranteed Medicaid coverage for low-income adults.

Guess what? The recipients fared no better than a control group of uninsured, low-income Oregonians in tests for hypertension, cholesterol and diabetes treatment — all medical conditions that can be managed with proper care.

You don’t have to go to Harvard Medical School or know a witch doctor to realize the Oregon findings indicate universal health care doesn’t make Americans healthier.

Insurance for the poor is a major component of the Affordable Care Act that soon will bowl over the country like a gigantic ten pin.

Besides, Americans were born to be unhealthy. Tom Jefferson put that in the fine print of the Constitution. And imagine how difficult it is to write fine print with a quill pen. So it had to be important to him.

Jefferson knew that our DNA is laced with genetics that make us crave junk food like Julius Caesar once craved Gaul.

Genetics that are contagious and spread to subsequent generations of immigrants – legal or otherwise.