I left Planet Earth for a week’s vacation and upon my return, I find our planet remains a haven for domestic and foreign tranquility with absolutely nothing new to report.
On the home front, sequestration continues to be a bigger mess than the Phillies. This July 4th military bases are extinguishing fireworks displays and towns are canceling appearances by military bands due to sequestration’s $85 billion in across-the-board spending reductions. I guess there’s a price to be paid for patriotism.
Meanwhile, Egypt continues to be stuck in more turmoil than Paula Deen. No matter who is the head Egyptian in charge, the military doesn’t like him and the people protest in the streets in lieu of working, sleeping, eating, drinking and building pyramids. Embattled president Mohammed Morsi tweeted today that he will not step down even though the military has threatened to turn him into a mummy by Wednesday. Egypt needs a new Pharaoh to take control now that Moses has moved on.
Finally, former U.S. spy agency contractor Edward Snowden soon may have to settle for living quarters on a small raft in a remote area of the Pacific Ocean. Brazil today became the latest country to say it will not grant asylum to Snowden, who is wanted in the United States for leaking information about secret U.S. electronic surveillance programs. No word if Snowden’s pole-dancing girlfriend will join him on the raft because installing a pole on the raft could trigger a leak and force Snowden to tread water until the nearest shark turns him into lunch meat.