There are some among us who do not get a big kick out soccer.
Count me among them.
Unless you appreciate the subtle nuances of the game, and I certainly do not, soccer can be more boring than watching your Aunt Edna sort through her recipe box.
That’s because there hardly is any scoring. The few goals that are scored, it seems to me, come when the goalie falls asleep.
Married men score more often than soccer players.
Granted, I did watch a few moments of the U.S.-Ghana World Cup game last evening. And for a brief electric moment it was patriotic to see the Americans score a dramatic late goal for a 2-1 victory.
I was surprised to hear that Ghana of all godforsaken places had knocked us out of the last two Cups because Ghana doesn’t have enough to eat, let alone buy vitamins.
Perhaps America eventually will not be a global soccer doormat.
Our new coach is former German superstar Jurgen Klinsmann (his thunderous kicks helped knock down the Berlin Wall I’m told), who apparently is trying to reshape the U.S. game into a more up tempo, attacking style.
But with Ghana’s speed and ruthless attacking, Klinsmann had to go more conservative and clog the middle like authentic German Apfelstrudel blocks an artery, forcing Ghana to use a shoehorn to
play the extra pass through the midfield thicket or launch missile crosses from wings located in different zip codes.
OK, perhaps I am absorbing some of soccer’s tactical basics.
But please don’t tell anyone.
After all, I am Zeke — the peerless pro football prognosticator who devoutly believes that the NFL is America’s Game.