If Sam Bradford doesn’t heal up quickly, perhaps a trip to Lourdes is in order

The Eagles have been conducting spring workouts since late April, but Thursday was the first day that Chip Kelly took the KGB secrecy wraps off and allowed the media to attend practice.

Guess what? The unveiling was much ado about nothing.

What the media saw is what everybody thought they would see.

Sam Bradford is limited in practice while recovering from his ACL surgery; has a pronounced limp; the football does glide out of his hand effortlessly; and Kelly has no clue when Bradford will be 100 percent.

It’s possible that the polar caps will melt into the Schuylkill River near the Penn Street bridge before Bradford is 100 percent. If ever.

In Bradford’s absence, Mark Sanchez ran the first-team offense. Sanchez, of course, thinks that he will be give an equal opportunity to start.

Of course, Kelly didn’t trade Nick Foles and a second-round draft pick for a quarterback with a $13 million salary like Bradford to glue his butt to the bench if his knee is partially functioning (allowing Bradford to at least get off the toilet without assistance).

Matt Barkley, more overlooked than a spinster at a nudist colony, ran the second team and Tim Tebow ran the third team.

Apparently reports of Tebow’s improved motion and release were marketing fiction. Reportedly it still takes him a long time to cock, load and throw because of the unnatural dip in his windup. He is not the most accurate of marksmen. William Tell he is not. William Tell was not a virgin.

Kelly spoke to reporters for the first time since LeSean (What me, selfish?) McCoy said Kelly had “gotten rid of all the good black players” even though Kelly replaced McCoy with DeMarco Murray, Ryan Matthews and Darren Sproles — three guys who see black faces staring back at them in the mirror.

“I’ve got great respect for LeSean,” Kelly said. “However, in that situation, I think he’s wrong. We’ve put a lot of time into looking at the characters and factors that go into selection and retention of players, and color has never been one of them.”

Asked if he has spoken with McCoy, who apparently is miffed about his exile to the Gulag that is Buffalo, Kelly said: “I reached out to him twice and he didn’t accept my call.”

Had he a better sense of humor that is not in the DNA of a football savant, Kelly would have then lapsed into his impression of Carly Rae Jepsen and sang:

“But here’s my number.

So call me maybe.”

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Flood, fire, famine, pestilence and now FIFA apparently is more corrupt than a Sicilian crime family

Isn’t the real world messed up enough, what with ISIS, racism, the death of rock and roll, Jon Stewart soon signing off, and the Republicans having more presidential aspirants than McDonald’s has napkins and straws?

The answer, unless you have spent the last 10 years sequestered in your hamper snacking on squid, is a resounding yes.

It used to be that sports was a wonderful, idyllic escape from the trials and tribulations of reality.

Which is why they played major league baseball with a bunch of guys who were 4F during World War II.

But sports now is as contaminated as the real world.

Look at the steroid abuse in baseball for years. Guys were growing massive muscles while their testicles shrunk to the size of poppy seeds.

Look at all the domestic violence committed by NFL players. It’s their wives and girlfriends who should suit up in pads and helmets.

And, horror of unspeakable and unmentionable horrors, look at Deflategate and Tom Brady’s soft balls.

Now comes soccer’s turn.

When most people think of soccer, the World Cup and 57 million kids under-8 swarming across a field near you come to mind.

Soccer seemed devoid of contamination unless somebody put a 24-year-old midget on an under-8 roster or somebody died in their sleep after watching another scoreless game in which the ball couldn’t find the goal even if were equipped with a GPS.

How naive we all were. Next thing you know, we’ll find out that the Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet included a disgusting foot fetish.

Today all hell broke loose as U.S. prosecutors kicked FIFA to the curb.

FIFA, by the way, is the world governing body of football (it’s only called soccer in the United States and parts of Mississippi) and not the name of a poodle.

Prosecutors say they have uncovered a dozen different schemes while investigating corruption at FIFA, including the awarding of the 2010 World Cup to South Africa.

U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch said that bribery and corruption have been marring the sport for at least 24 years as FIFA officials solicited bribes from sports marketing firms and others surrounding its marquee events.

I suspect most Americans will yawn at this shocking indictment of FIFA’s integrity and wonder why the hell FIFA didn’t use some of that bribe money to bribe goalies to allow a goal every four years or so.