The Eagles have been conducting spring workouts since late April, but Thursday was the first day that Chip Kelly took the KGB secrecy wraps off and allowed the media to attend practice.
Guess what? The unveiling was much ado about nothing.
What the media saw is what everybody thought they would see.
Sam Bradford is limited in practice while recovering from his ACL surgery; has a pronounced limp; the football does glide out of his hand effortlessly; and Kelly has no clue when Bradford will be 100 percent.
It’s possible that the polar caps will melt into the Schuylkill River near the Penn Street bridge before Bradford is 100 percent. If ever.
In Bradford’s absence, Mark Sanchez ran the first-team offense. Sanchez, of course, thinks that he will be give an equal opportunity to start.
Of course, Kelly didn’t trade Nick Foles and a second-round draft pick for a quarterback with a $13 million salary like Bradford to glue his butt to the bench if his knee is partially functioning (allowing Bradford to at least get off the toilet without assistance).
Matt Barkley, more overlooked than a spinster at a nudist colony, ran the second team and Tim Tebow ran the third team.
Apparently reports of Tebow’s improved motion and release were marketing fiction. Reportedly it still takes him a long time to cock, load and throw because of the unnatural dip in his windup. He is not the most accurate of marksmen. William Tell he is not. William Tell was not a virgin.
Kelly spoke to reporters for the first time since LeSean (What me, selfish?) McCoy said Kelly had “gotten rid of all the good black players” even though Kelly replaced McCoy with DeMarco Murray, Ryan Matthews and Darren Sproles — three guys who see black faces staring back at them in the mirror.
“I’ve got great respect for LeSean,” Kelly said. “However, in that situation, I think he’s wrong. We’ve put a lot of time into looking at the characters and factors that go into selection and retention of players, and color has never been one of them.”
Asked if he has spoken with McCoy, who apparently is miffed about his exile to the Gulag that is Buffalo, Kelly said: “I reached out to him twice and he didn’t accept my call.”
Had he a better sense of humor that is not in the DNA of a football savant, Kelly would have then lapsed into his impression of Carly Rae Jepsen and sang:
“But here’s my number.
So call me maybe.”