Rest assured that Caitlyn Jenner’s reality TV show ratings aren’t going belly up anytime soon

Bruce Jenner is making his/her debut as Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair.

Jenner’s Olympic decathlon champion glory ride definitely has jumped the tracks.

He, uh, she, apparently was covered with pyramids of psychological anguish for a lifetime and no cocoon of celebrity could provide shelter from the identity storm.

While some feel that Jenner is caught in an immense wave of disintegration, others view him/her through the prism of courage for breaking open the huge can of hurt he/she was trapped in for decades.

Whatever, Jenner certainly has sliced up that Wheaties box All-American persona like so much barbecue brisket.

Spare your eyes from cataracts and blindness by not watching the Phillies

Just how bad are the Philadelphia Phillies this year?

So bad that they envy the dead.

And why not?

Because they are dead in the water this season.

Drowned in their own cesspool of futility.

Or should that be Phutility?

Whatever, the Phillies have become absolutely unwatchable at Citizens Bank or on television.

They do to eyesight what tsunamis do to beach chairs. Which is why they now sell tin cups at the ballpark.

In a recent poll, 92 percent of respondents said they would rather be embalmed alive than watch the Phillies, who play like they are embalmed.

Meanwhile, 47 percent of respondents said they would rather be burned at the stake than watch the Phils. Talk about fans who are burned up over the Phillies’ fall from grace.

Not too long ago in what seems now like an alien galaxy, the Phillies were an elite franchise.

People couldn’t take their eyes off them, riveted to them like art lovers at the Louvre riveted to the Mona Lisa and just waiting for her to crack a smile.

Do you know why the Mona Lisa doesn’t smile much these days?

She’s a Phillies fan.