The Eagles’ offense has been on a bye all season

The Eagles are on a bye. Truth be told, I almost took a bye this week on blogging about the Birds’ 27-16 flameout against the Panthers in Carolina.

Following the fortunes of a local pro team is a mystic pursuit of intoxicating passion.

You’re either deliriously happy or rattlesnake angry.

Therefore it’s not surprising that many Eagles fans are downright pissed that when Chip Kelly put his autograph over the franchise by seizing personnel control in the offseason he left a wayward signature.

The Eagles are 3-4 and the only thing remotely positive about their plight is that the entire NFC East reeks like a restaurant dumpster.

Remember when Chip’s offense used to burn fast and burn bright? Now that the fire has been extinguished by Kelly’s dubious personnel moves, it’s time to dump the ashes before they soil our shoes.

The Eagles are a mess on offense because Kelly’s hand-picked parts have stalled what once was a high performance engine.

If their defense wasn’t so stout, the Eagles would be an absolute scream of terror.

Perhaps it’s a good thing they aren’t playing Halloween weekend. After all, how many ghosts, goblins and ghouls can we put up with?

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Eagles’ crunching defense morphs the Giants into midgets

Granted, the Eagles’ 27-7 win over the Giants Monday night at the Linc to take over first place in the pathetic NFC East at 3-3 on a tiebreaker was about as sexy as a Rotary Club poker night.

Still, it was a crucial victory. If the Eagles had lost their third division game of the year, their window of playoff opportunity would be inching toward the sill of past tense.

Once again people were wondering WTF Chip Kelly was thinking and drinking when he traded for Sam Bradford, who uncorked three more interceptions. This guy is more picky than a zealous CPA. He now has thrown a ghastly nine picks this season, including an astonishing four picks in the red zone.

The offense is downright offensive and not in a good way. One wonders if there possibly can be enough glue and duct tape in the world to put everything back the way it once was in the Birds’ offense two years ago before Kelly started jettisoning key players like so much flotsam.

Fortunately the Eagles defense was dealing destruction more adroitly than a blackjack dealer last night.

Linebacker DeMeco Ryans turned the game around with an interception that he pried out of the hands of Giants TE Larry Donnell but the injury-afflicted Ryans had to exit the game courtesy of an injured hamstring.

The dominance of the Birds’ defensive line was the story of the game, stopping the run and mounting a strong pass rush that dramatically cooled off Giants QB Eli Manning, who had been hotter than a skillet.

Fletcher Cox, Vinny Curry, Connor Barwin and Brandon Graham continually flexed their muscles and fortunately rendered all of Bradford’s escapades into futility a moot point.

For better or worse, there’s no debate that Hillary stands out

From my selfish writer’s perspective, I would love it if the Democratic presidential field had a dynamic new face with the chops and savvy to make the Democratic primary season worthwhile blogging about.

Then again, I also want a 30-inch waist and a head of hair full enough to sprout from a paperback romance novel’s cover.

Alas, there seems to be no Sir Galahad or Eleanor of Aquitaine on the horizon.

And by the way, if Joe Biden does jump in the race after his lunch today with President Obama, just remember he is the polar opposite of a dynamic new face.

Granted, Biden vs. Hillary Clinton would be a tad more exciting then Clinton verbally sparring with ancient upstart outsider Bernie Sanders.

After last night’s first Democratic debate, it was amply clear that Hillary is the class of the field despite her stumbling campaign start when she couldn’t water if she fell out of a boat.

Of course, outside of Sanders, the other three candidates could be Moe, Larry and Curly and court more attention.

Speaking of Sanders, he delivered a win-win comment, a boost for himself and Clinton, when he said that “the American people are sick and tired about hearing about your (Hillary) damn emails.”

Clinton’s performance was poised and polished last night, her confident demeanor perhaps dampening speculation that there is a place for Biden in the race.

Hillary also was firm in defending herself against claims that she flip flops on issues for political gain despite the fact that she flip flops more than even the flip flops I wear constantly at home.

Personally, I’m tired of Hillary Clinton being on center stage. Her presence seems older than dirt.

I would much prefer it if she would simply spend her time taking walks in the woods bordering long par 4s (like many Americans) and use long black stretch limos to tour flea markets (unlike many Americans).

The Eagles may not walk with the saints, but they walked through the Saints

Not to dip into the swirling chaos of hyperbole, but if the Eagles had lost to the Saints Sunday at the Linc, the Birds and Chip Kelly would have been toast that nobody around here would want to eat.

Indeed, that would have been a debacle difficult to digest.

Well, Eagles fans can swallow without fear, at least for another week.

The Birds finally stuck Moe Momentum into their lineup in the second half for a 39-17 pasting of New Orleans, where the Devils apparently have replaced the Saints.

Granted, the Eagles were a sickly, pale lime green early in the game.

Sam Bradford, looking like the biggest bust since Morganna the Kissing Bandit was bouncing around in full glory at major league ballparks everywhere, uncorked two coyote-ugly interceptions.

But Bradford’s ghastly play this season suddenly was replaced by a serviceable quarterback who could throw more than needless check-down throws.

Take me now Lord for I’ve lived to see the Promised Land.

And DeMarco Murray actually was in a rush. Seeing him actually gain yardage was akin to watching a miracle break a sweat.

About time on both counts.

The Eagles are 2-3 and can climb back to the Land of Mediocrity at .500, not to mention get a divisional victory, by beating the Giants a week from Monday night.

But, as Socrates once philosophized rather weakly, it’s a week-to-week league.

Back to school for Chip Kelly?

Apparently Chip Kelly’s hallowed Sports Science with all those special smoothies strictly was snake oil.

The Eagles are more beat up than Hillary Clinton. Seven Eagles starters went down Sunday at FedEx Field. Only two got back up. Ouch.

By the way, the Birds’ Super Bowl Express is limping along on a walker. Saddled with a 1-3 record, nobody is talking playoffs.

The Eagles were no-shows in the first half, stormed back by actually and astonishingly throwing downfield for the first time in seemingly half a century, and then allowed Washington to march 90 yards in 15 plays for a 23-20 victory.

Poland showed more resistance against the Nazi blitzkrieg

The Birds’ defenders sagged so badly at the end they may need Botox injections.

People with mental health problems shouldn’t even be allowed to buy squirt guns

God knows, we have enough terrorist nuts spanning the globe who want to eat us for lunch, not to mention for dinner and dessert as well.

So why the hell are we terrorizing ourselves at home, with mass shootings tragically becoming almost commonplace?

It’s the same scenario spooling over and over in an endless bloody loop … bullets flying, people dying, people crying, our president expressing anguish and frustration over congressional inaction on gun control laws, and a Republican-controlled Congress refusing to acknowledge that gun ownership is NOT the answer to gun violence.

Except for a 24-hour news cycle, Americans have become numb to the repetitive carnage. Outside of the shooting victims and their families, throats no longer gulp into mouths. Righteous indignation has the shelf life of a fruit fly.

Talk about trading our humanity for passivity.

So the nightmare continues as we become helpless victims of an apocalyptic axis of too many nuts with too many guns.

The gunman who authored the deadly attack on a small community college in Oregon Thursday was described by law enforcement sources today as a hate-filled individual with anti-religion and white supremacist leanings who long has struggled with mental health issues.

Shoot me if I’m wrong, but it’s totally insane that a demented dude like this should have been able to legally purchase 13 weapons.

He wore body armor and was armed with three handguns and an assault rifle as his shooting rampage left nine dead and 10 wounded.

If we’re gonna keep selling guns to nuts like this, why don’t we also give them one-way tickets to the Middle East where they can shoot up ISIS?