A split personality can lead to side-splitting laughs! Read all about it!

“Jack Daniels on the Rocks” — a novel by Michael Zielinski

John Daniels is an outstanding criminal defense attorney who finally indulges his lifelong fantasy and reinvents himself as a rock singer known as Jack Daniels.

He soon finds himself caught in the crossfire of handling two divergent careers plus a rocky new love relationship with the free-spirited Ashley Dupree.

His struggle to find his true inner self reaches a ceasefire between his two dueling passions when he decides to leave his law practice behind and capitalize on his skyrocketing music career as a vocalist who sounds just like The Doors’ Jim Morrison come back to life.

The ceasefire proves to be brief as the crime of the century lures him back to his hometown just as he and his band Coffeemate are ready to begin recording and touring.

Daniels, in a tour de force of resolve, energy and complication, attempts to straddle the cross-country tightrope while juggling the demands of two starkly different worlds.

Available on BookLocker.com, BooksAMillion.com, and Amazon.com. Soon it also will be on BarnesandNoble.com.




If Trump blows this lead, it will be the biggest pratfall since the 1964 Phillies

If you’re scoring at home, and for your sake I sincerely hope that you are, put a checkmark next to Donald Trump’s name as the winner of the Republican presidential nomination sweepstakes.

This derby started with about 1,117 people in the field, but this is now, for all intents and purposes, a one-man horse race.

Trump just added Nevada to his growing list of caucus/primary wins, and while he needs more delegates to clinch it, he appears unstoppable.

After all, he’s already shrugged off multiple hard shots that would have lodged molars in the kidneys of others.

Nonsensical — and worse — words pour out of him as if he opened an artery and let them gush out. Nothing he says derails him.

Trump is leading in national polls and in many state polls.

Trump has more momentum than a Lincoln Navigator sliding down the Matterhorn going into Super Tuesday on March 1, when 13 states across the country vote in nine primaries and four caucuses in 24 hours.

The only question is when will the GOP establishment embrace him? Likely not for sometime because the establishment doesn’t like him because it can’t control him.

Trump’s runaway success could be construed as an indictment of the intelligence of the American electorate.

But, at least for today, I choose not be as harsh as Donald Trump.

Both Donald Trump and NASCAR numb brains with shattering noise

OK, I’m not scholarly enough to see if there is any connection between Donald Trump’s presidential campaign and NASCAR.

So I consulted Dr. I.M. Smarty, Chair of the Trivial Knowledge Department at Mugwump State (home of the Flying Squirrels), for his opinion.

Dr. Smarty said there is indeed a strong connection between Trump’s bid for the White House and NASCAR races.

In both endeavors, torrents of sound are a Thunder Dome cascade of noise that pushes past eardrums and enters brains.

With so many brains fried, now you know why Trump is running away with the GOP race after his dominant performance in South Carolina Saturday.

And now you know why so few NASCAR fans are working on their doctorates at Harvard or Yale.

Yep, there is nothing wrong in Trump Wonderland right now, not a cloud in the sky.

Ditto NASCAR, which often is a cure for insomnia with its boring and endless races.

But not Sunday when Denny Hamlin nosed out Martin Truex Jr. by inches to win the closest Daytona 500 ever.

You don’t have to be Dr. Smarty or Nostradamus to predict that the Republican presidential race will not have a similar photo finish.

Hellfire and damnation! Trump now verbally sparring with the pope

Well, I guess Donald Trump will get a seat next to hell’s furnace someday. Hope he doesn’t pack long underwear when he departs for the next life.

God knows, you don’t diss the pope.

Trump just could get struck by lightning before the South Carolina primary.

Pope Francis assailed Trump’s views on U.S. immigration as “not Christian” on Thursday, prompting the billionaire businessman to assail the religious leader as “disgraceful” for questioning his faith.

Trump has vowed as president to build a wall between the United States and Mexico to keep out illegal immigrants. He also said he would deport millions of illegal immigrants.

In a freewheeling conversation on his flight home from a visit to Mexico, Francis told reporters: “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian.”

Trump, who minces his words as often as he shaves his head, responded: “If and when the Vatican is attacked by the ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS’s ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president. For a religious leader to question a person’s faith is disgraceful. The pope is a very political person. I think he doesn’t understand the problems our country has. I don’t think he understands the danger of the open border that we have with Mexico.”

Asked about being called a “political person”, Francis said: “Thank God he said I was a politician because Aristotle defined the human person as ‘animal politicus.’ So at least I am a human person.”

If I were Donald Trump, I would be showering with holy water for awhile.

Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders put America on Desolation Row

They’re selling postcards of Uncle Sam weeping.

Citizens are toting their passports to other lands.

The beauty parlor is filled with the ghosts of our founding fathers.

The circus is in town.

Here comes Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders.

Alas, they put the frozen hams that masquerade as New Hampshire voters in a trance.

Someone says, “We in the wrong place my friend.”

Now Cinderella is sweeping up after the carnival on Desolation Row.

Denver defense absolutely SuperDuper

Well, as we have sadly discovered time and time again, all pregame Super Bowl chatter is nonsensical babble.

Despite the incessant two-week narrative, Super Bowl 50 was not Peyton Manning’s or Cam Newton’s Super Bowl.

This most emphatically was the Denver defense’s Super Bowl.

Percussive and concussive, they totally thrashed Newton’s Superman cover and carved him up like a Halloween pumpkin 24-10 in a defensive masterpiece played Sunday night between all the commercials.

The Broncos stonewalled the usually unstoppable Carolina offense by taking away its sweeps and counters with incredible gap discipline, and removing the consistency of its inside power and option run game with the magnificent play of ends Derek Wolfe and Malik Jackson.

Then there was that one-man wrecking crew named Von Miller. The dude is a hurricane force of nature and Newton will be seeing him in his nightmares for sometime to come.

Granted, the Manning storyline has some merit since he finally got his second Super Bowl ring, even though he has been sputtering on fumes all season. The years are murder on once-luminescent quarterbacks.

Both offenses were totally inoffensive. Which made them damn offensive to watch.

As noted football scholar Socrates once said to Vince Lombardi over breakfast one morning, “Defense wins championships.”


Does anybody actually know anybody from Iowa and New Hampshire?

After an endless loop of debates spanning months, the presidential campaign at last moved into the voting stage Monday with the Iowa caucuses.

Politics makes for strange bedfellows and often houses the cagiest inner circles since Cardinal Richelieu.

For example, Iowa and New Hampshire are the leadoff states in the process.

God knows why.

Iowa and New Hampshire hardly mirror the country as a whole. Their demographics and the rest of the country are not a match. For starters, they are whiter than the Oscar nominees.

Still, politicians who wash upon the rocks in either state often have their presidential campaigns shipwrecked.

Blatantly unfair, in my humble opinion. Litmus tests in Iowa and New Hampshire should be totally irrelevant.

Ted Cruz won the Iowa GOP caucuses because of strong evangelical support and a ground force to rival Genghis Khan’s barbarians.

At least Cruz’s victory triggered some seepage from the Donald Trump Hot Air Balloon.

In the Democratic caucuses, the night seemed as if it had no end as Hillary Clinton nosed out Bernie Sanders in a photo finish.

The fact that an avowed socialist like Sanders has Hillary locked in a death match demonstrates how repellant many Democrats find her. Must be her pants suits.