Eagles, Hillary pee into their Cheerios

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Now down to business.

Misery loves company.

Hillary Clinton, meet the Philadelphia Eagles.

You both have something in common: Trying not to burn down to ash.

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Trump fears a loss will dim his celebrity star

Donald Trump has been shouting that the presidential election is rigged and that there is a vast conspiracy of demented folks out there who want to nail him to the nearest backboard and dunk on him.

You know why?

Because Trump’s worst nightmare — short of running out of trophy wives — is having his celebrity wane, his star dimmed.

He fears a stinging defeat to Hillary Clinton would do just that.

Five hours of conversation with Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Michael D’Antonio two years ago reveal a powerful driving force emerging from Trump — his deep-seated fear of public embarrassment.

Strange. His undisciplined behavior on the campaign trail would indicate otherwise.

I guess embarrassment is in the eye of the beholder.

The recordings of those conversations reportedly reveal a man who is fixated on his own celebrity, anxious about losing his status and contemptuous of those who fall from grace. They capture the visceral pleasure he derives from fighting, his willful lack of interest in history, his reluctance to reflect on his life and his belief that most people do not deserve his respect.

You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

The transcripts of those recordings have been playing out in real time throughout this debacle of a presidential race.

With apologies to the late Dennis Green, the Eagles are who we thought they are

While some Eagles’ fans were painting themselves green after the team’s surprising 3-0 start, the more rational among us were not looking through green-tinted sunglasses.

The Birds have a few warts and they are growing bigger each week now that they are 3-2 after Sunday’s 27-20 loss to the Redskins at FedEx Field.

And as fate would have it, Sam Branford and the undefeated Vikes are coming to the Linc next weekend.

Don’t know about you, but I already can hear the howl of the wolf and the bleat of the lamb.

Can you spell uh-oh?

If so, can you spell Halapoulivaati Vaitai?

Didn’t think so. The Eagles’ fifth-round draft pick tried to fill in for the drug-addled Lane Johnson at right tackle. It didn’t go so well. Linebacker Ryan Kerrigan made mincemeat out of the kid, and at 320 pounds, that’s enough lunchmeat to treat everybody in India to lunch.

Halapoulivaati has as much trouble pass blocking as the rest of us have spelling and pronouncing his name.

Perhaps someday the rookie will be a credible tackle. After all, Leo Tolstoy wrote that time and patience are the strongest of all warriors. But nobody told the Russian author that the NFL stands for Not For Long.

With Vaitai impersonating a turnstile, Carson Wentz and the remainder of the Eagle O couldn’t do squat.

Compounding matters, the Eagle D simply couldn’t keep the Redskins off the field for long stretches. Philly defenders seemed to be impersonating pacifists.

The Birds also are as undisciplined as 3-year-olds. One week after committing 14 penalties against the Lions, they were charged with 13 Sunday.

Needless to say, they should refrain from celebrating Flag Day.

Just a thought, but throwing yourself in reverse is no way to go forward.

Thank you, Donald and Hillary

Dear Donald and Hillary,

My hearty congratulations to both of you outstanding Americans for exceeding the highest standards of integrity, statesmanship, civility, decorum and — most of all — truth.

With such towering pillars as our major presidential candidates, the future of our Republic is as gleaming as the New York City sewer system.

Regards,

Zeke