Back to school for Chip Kelly?

Apparently Chip Kelly’s hallowed Sports Science with all those special smoothies strictly was snake oil.

The Eagles are more beat up than Hillary Clinton. Seven Eagles starters went down Sunday at FedEx Field. Only two got back up. Ouch.

By the way, the Birds’ Super Bowl Express is limping along on a walker. Saddled with a 1-3 record, nobody is talking playoffs.

The Eagles were no-shows in the first half, stormed back by actually and astonishingly throwing downfield for the first time in seemingly half a century, and then allowed Washington to march 90 yards in 15 plays for a 23-20 victory.

Poland showed more resistance against the Nazi blitzkrieg

The Birds’ defenders sagged so badly at the end they may need Botox injections.

People with mental health problems shouldn’t even be allowed to buy squirt guns

God knows, we have enough terrorist nuts spanning the globe who want to eat us for lunch, not to mention for dinner and dessert as well.

So why the hell are we terrorizing ourselves at home, with mass shootings tragically becoming almost commonplace?

It’s the same scenario spooling over and over in an endless bloody loop … bullets flying, people dying, people crying, our president expressing anguish and frustration over congressional inaction on gun control laws, and a Republican-controlled Congress refusing to acknowledge that gun ownership is NOT the answer to gun violence.

Except for a 24-hour news cycle, Americans have become numb to the repetitive carnage. Outside of the shooting victims and their families, throats no longer gulp into mouths. Righteous indignation has the shelf life of a fruit fly.

Talk about trading our humanity for passivity.

So the nightmare continues as we become helpless victims of an apocalyptic axis of too many nuts with too many guns.

The gunman who authored the deadly attack on a small community college in Oregon Thursday was described by law enforcement sources today as a hate-filled individual with anti-religion and white supremacist leanings who long has struggled with mental health issues.

Shoot me if I’m wrong, but it’s totally insane that a demented dude like this should have been able to legally purchase 13 weapons.

He wore body armor and was armed with three handguns and an assault rifle as his shooting rampage left nine dead and 10 wounded.

If we’re gonna keep selling guns to nuts like this, why don’t we also give them one-way tickets to the Middle East where they can shoot up ISIS?

U.S. global leadership withering under Obama

Ever get the impression that Barack Obama couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat?

Our president must have felt like he was fried, flambéed and fricasseed at the U.N. on Monday.

Vladimir Putin, who oozes strength from his pores, stole Obama’s thunder.

The Russian strongman proposed a coup against U.S. global leadership and is seeking to wrest control of a coalition batting ISIS away from America’s grip.

And he wasn’t the only leader of a country at the celebration of the U.N.’s 70th anniversary to challenge the world order based on seven decades of U.S. global leadership.

Chinese President Xi Jinping and Iranian President Hassan Rouhani also chimed in.

The multipolar challenges to U.S. power, including military challenges from Eastern Europe across the Middle East to Asia, are taking the snap out of Uncle Sam’s strut.

Eagles ruin their winless season

Apparently the Eagles aren’t quite ready to be affixed toe tags and laid out on a coroner’s table.

Zip-three in the NFL is a death penalty. One-two means you still have a pulse.

Considering that the NFC East is relatively comatose (the Cowboys are 2-1 but more banged up than a demolition derby car), the Birds’ pulse isn’t faint.

After Sunday’s 24-17 win over the Jets at MetLife Stadium, the Eagles may no longer be marooned in a rather grim situation.

The defense played terrific, racking up four takeaways. Rookies Jordan Hicks and Eric Rowe made some big plays at linebacker and in the secondary, respectively.

And the offensive line finally got around to blocking somebody, with Ryan Mathews and Darren Sproles running to daylight instead of catacomb darkness. And that 89-yard punt return by Sproles was sweet, skittering and accelerating like a water bug running across hot coals.

But before everybody starts saying that DeMarco Murray suddenly is a stiff and should be chained to the bench once his hammy heals, keep in mind that the OL was the culprit for his terrible first two games.

Blocking and rushing are a matter of stimulus and response. Even Freud knew that.

Still, the offense sucked in the second half. Sam Bradford lacks accuracy, even through he throws mostly 4-yard dump-offs. He rarely looks downfield. He strictly is a caretaker at this point, operating a horizontal passing game. A big reason why is the Birds essentially have one wideout — Jordan Matthews.

If the Eagles can’t start going long at times, they won’t be going long enough to be playoff-bound.

Despite pope’s visit, back to normal

I guess we’re all guilty of this. We listen to a sermon, but we don’t really hear it. So we carry on as we always did, turning a deaf ear to pastoral advice and return to our regular M.O.

Evidently we’re concerned that if we lift the gate on our standard operating procedure just a crack, a breeze of disruption will waft in to torment us.

Hours after Pope Francis appealed to Congress to consider the “common good” and be mindful of the planet’s welfare, lawmakers in the chamber where he spoke moved to do the opposite and bar federal regulators from weighing the costs of climate change.

Same old same old.

Which makes me wonder if the pope’s visit to America, despite his whirlwind tour befitting a rock star, will leave lasting a footprint on most people.

Silly Putty offensive line grounds Eagles

Well, all our jaw muscles lost their grip while watching the abysmal Eagles win an Emmy Sunday for best performance of a train wreck.

The Birds were totally inoffensive — which made them horribly offensive to watch — in a 20-10 debacle of a loss to the Cowboys.

It figures to be a long siege of losses for the Eagles unless the NFL grants them an exception and allows them to arm their offensive linemen with machetes.

The Birds’ defense played well Sunday at the Linc but the offense was totally MIA because the O line was as inept as dairy cows on roller skates.

The offensive linemen, especially the two journeymen guards Chip Kelly the novice GM plugged in to replace the two outstanding guards he let go in the offseason, were pathetic.

Kelly’s whole offense starts with the run game and there can be no ground transportation when the opponent keeps blowing up trestles in your transit system.

Poor DeMarco Murray, who led the NFL in rushing behind that crackerjack Dallas O line, should sue his current O line for non-support.

Carly Fiorina: The lady was a tiger

Not being Nostradamus, I don’t know whether Carly Fiorina will be president.

But she sure sounded presidential last night in the GOP debate that seemed longer than the 100 Years War.

The former Hewlett-Packard CEO was quite the counter puncher in taking some of the swagger out of the free-swinging Donald Trump, who was by far too much the focal point of the debate.

With seemingly a cast of thousands in the race, it shouldn’t be a one-man show.

Carly was stiletto sharp, an excellent communicator who came across as intelligent, personable, educated on the issues (the polar opposite of Trump who obviously has been truant in his homework) and tough as rawhide.

And, by the way, she looked marvelous.