Forgive the play on words concerning Thanksgiving. That is what writers do.
The Eagles are now Turkeys.
They now have given up 45 points in consecutive games, mustering up only 17 themselves against the Bucs and 14 against the Lions on Thanksgiving.
Opposing quarterbacks have thrown five touchdowns and no interceptions in back-to-back games and Tom Brady is next.
Granted, the Eagles have injuries. So do many other NFL teams.
Whatever, they can’t block, they can’t tackle, they can’t cover, they can’t score.
Chip Kelly claims every player is giving 100 percent. If so, why are they playing like mutineers?
It seems they’ve been Chipwrecked.
Thanksgiving is supposed to be a wonderful holiday when the smell of delicious food cooking is sweeter than perfume.
It was a little hard to digest all those goodies after watching the Lions tear out the Birds’ gizzards and eat them raw.
When Chip Kelly came to Philadelphia, the Great Expectations were so monumental they threatened to burst even Charles Dickens’ britches.
Needless to say, the letdown has been so dramatic it’s a wonder we all haven’t gotten the bends.
So much for In Chip We Trust.
The Eagles reached the nadir of the Chip Kelly reign Sunday, getting creamed 45-17 by Tampa Bay at the Linc.
Kelly has been the mirror and lighting rod for a tumultuous era in Philly and things evidently have gone south as quickly as his up-tempo offense.
The Eagles are 4-6 and one wonders if they will ever reach the Promised Land of .500.
They allowed 521 yards to the Bucs. Doug Martin rushed for 235 yards. Jameis Winston threw for five touchdowns.
The Philadelphia defense obviously was a no-show.
Mark Sanchez threw three interceptions in his first start of the season.
Hopefully it was his last start of a lost season.
While much of today’s world is colored in shades of nuance, fighting the terror of radical Islamic extremism is a stark and straightforward situation: Kill or be killed.
ISIS, al Qaida, Hamas, Hezbollah, whatever … these are not conventional enemies of state. Rather, they are chameleons that blend into our communities with the sole intention of annihilating our societal values and beliefs.
They fervently believe that they have the right to execute anyone who differs from their beliefs and they routinely slaughter innocent men, women and children.
These are zealots that embrace martyrdom, who can’t wait to die for their cause. That obviously is a dangerous foe to fight.
Of course, how much resolve and resources do we have to actually make it the fight of our lives? That is the paramount question of our time.
Finding a dead rhino in your foyer is a shock.
Opening your closet door and seeing the ghost of Genghis Khan staring back at you is a shock.
Donald Trump getting a buzz cut is a shock.
Sam Bradford getting hurt is not a shock.
Mark Sanchez throwing a killer pick is not a shock.
A losing Eagles team is not a shock.
For some strange surreal reason that I plan to discuss with my shrink, I once again subjected myself to watching the GOP debate last night.
I must say that nothing that was said went off like a bedspring in my head.
Again, why do we need so many damn debates? They simply are verbal chess matches played with naked brain waves.
Nothing new really happened Tuesday night to change the landscape of the presidential sweepstakes.
Donald Trump and Ben Carson maintained their status quo as frontrunners, which is a sad indictment on the IQ levels of the people being polled.
Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz attracted more buzz, but will it translate into a big sting?
Jeb Bush, who just could cure insomnia if he appeared regularly on television, somehow lived to fight another day.
Chris Christie stood out on the undercard but does it matter?
And all the Republican candidates worship Wall Street. Indeed, I could almost smell the incense seeping from my flat screen.
Did you feel the Earth wobble on its axis for a hiccup last night?
Strangely, it happened precisely at the same time that Sam Bradford threw the winning 41-yard TD pass to Jordan Matthews as the Eagles beat the Cowboys 33-27 in overtime.
Bradford, Matthews, running back DeMarco Murray and rookie linebacker Jordan Hicks all had their stud moments for the Birds in Jerry’s World.
Speaking of Jerry, Jones found the denouement to be such a letdown that he got a good dose of the bends.
I guess Bradford and Murray couldn’t be stiffs for the entire season. That would have toyed with the law of averages or gravity or whatever.
So the Eagles are 4-4, a half-game behind the 5-4 Giants in the NFC East. It seems as if the Birds aren’t dead and buried yet.
A word of caution there, Iggles fans. The had better start scoring every now and then in the first quarter. The Eagles went scoreless in the first quarter for the sixth time this season. They have scored just 10 first-quarter points through eight games. They had a rare six-and-out possession early on last night.
Chip Kelly has hired Sherlock Holmes and the Navy Seals to discover why the Birds’ O is such a zero in the first quarter.
So is there nobody out there who would make a good president?
The United States has a large population. And all we get to choose from is Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Marco Rubio and the remainder of the gaggle chirping to be president?
Say it’s not so, Mr. and Mrs. America.
It’s like going out to eat and there’s nothing appealing on the menu.
Is our gene pool this freaking shallow?
I don’t care whether it’s a Democrat or a Republican or an independent, there has to be a Chosen One out there somewhere in our vast land with the marvelous skill set, expertise, intelligence and eloquence to be our next Great Shepherd and deliver us all from evil.
It’s time for a Prodigy of Enlightenment to step from the shadows of obscurity and lead us to the Promised Land.
Perhaps if we all turn our sofas over, the Anointed One will fall out amidst the loose change and pretzel crumbs.