The Juice is almost loose

O. J. Simpson became the Juice because, well, you figure it out.

When zooming past and swerving through college and NFL defenses, he was one of the most electric running backs ever.

Then he became a beloved pitchman and actor and became immersed in the media fishbowl.

American loved the Juice. He was affable, charming and apparently did a helluva job of masquerading his dark side.

He squeezed life until the, pardon the pun, juice ran down his arms.

Then he was arrested for and ultimately acquitted in the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman when his Dream Team lawyers cleverly put the LAPD on trial instead of him in the Riveting Trial of the 20th Century and he became a hated pariah.

His fall from grace was epic in scope and chronicled by the sages for the ages.

It was a travesty the Juice was loose, many folks thought — the same people who were elated when Simpson got an absurd nine to 33-year prison sentence after being convicted in 2008 for an armed heist of his own sports memorabilia in Las Vegas.

That time what happened in Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas.

That sentence didn’t fit the crime, but many thought, as unjust as it was, it served the ultimate justice by putting a killer behind bars.

But soon, no longer. Simpson was granted parole today, effective October 1.

Now 70 and his once Mach 5 speed reduced to a hobbled arthritic gait, O.J. will be shackled by a nest of restrictions while he resumes his search on golf courses for the real killers (Memo to the real killers, if you’re out there: Take up tennis).

On parole, you really are not a free man. One misstep and it’s back in the can for the Juice.

Most of America would welcome that.

Bears train quarterbacks with virtual reality because their real reality sucks

NFL offenses are in a state of constant overdrive.

Scheming ever-more complicated attacks can be addictive, and the cycle feeds on itself.

There is more info than ever for quarterbacks to absorb.

The Chicago Bears have three new QBs on their roster — Mitchell Trubisky, Mike Glennon and Mark Sanchez (remember him?).

Three new quarterbacks means practice reps become even more invaluable.

Not all three will be able to take snaps with the starters so they need to find other ways to develop.

The Bears are expediting the learning process by using virtual reality.

A player can put on a headset and instantly have a 360-degree view of the field.

They can learn to break down different coverages and blitzes without having to put on a helmet.

Why don’t they skip actually playing the game, thus saving brains and ACLs, and simply play Madden NFL 18?

Legal beagle says POTUS has the right to decide who to investigate and who to stop investigating

James Comey says President Trump is a liar.

President Trump says James Comey is a liar.

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Lawdy, I’m so glad George Washington never told a lie.

Now here’s something worth chewing on like gristle: Perhaps Trump had every right to fire Comey at will and to directly tell him to lay off Michael Flynn and stop investigating whether there was any collusion between the Trump campaign and our dear Russian friends.

Who says so?

Not me. Legal mumbo jumbo is all Latin to me even when it is in some English dialect.

Alan Dershowitz says so.

Dershowitz, Felix Frankfurter Professor of Law Emeritus at Harvard Law School who is a prominent scholar on United States constitutional law and criminal law and a leading defender of civil liberties, says the president has the authority to direct the FBI to stop investigating any individual and can, in theory, decide who to investigate, who to stop investigating, who to prosecute and who not to prosecute. The president is the head of the unified executive branch of government, and the Justice Department and the FBI work under him and he may order them to do what he wishes.

According to Dershowitz, who was a member of the famous (or infamous) O.J. Simpson legal dream team, the president had the right to order Comey to pogo stick down to Mar-a-Lago or have the FBI investigate why the wind messes with Trump’s comb-over.

Who knew?

Trump is more of a provocateur than a president

President Trump reignited feuds with the mayor of London, the media, Democrats and his own Justice Department with a new series of tweets Monday that begins a critical week for his administration, one that will include former FBI director James Comey testifying to the Senate Intelligence Committee.

Who’s next? Mickey Mouse? Elsa from Frozen?

The man obviously loves to pick a fight. His nervous system mimes rage so well that it becomes real, much like an actor’s tears.

Twitter, as well as the Russians, may unravel the Trump presidency like cheap rayon.

Trump, by the at way, has opted not to invoke executive privilege and won’t try to block Comey’s testimony.

Which means he is not always as dumb as an ash tray (remember them?).

Trump hasn’t tripped up enough on his trip to blow up the world — yet

Wonders never cease, I guess.

Donald Trump is on his first overseas trip as president and astonishingly, the world still is spinning on its axis.

I haven’t felt the globe wobble in the least so I guess it’s not about to blow up.

Trump went to Saudi Arabia and went moderate on the Muslims. I guess he forgot to bring along his campaign rhetoric. Or there was no room on Air Force One to pack his bully pulpit.

He was in Israel today and the education of our neophyte president continues.

The guy who once said that “peace in the Middle East is not as difficult as people have thought” now says “I’ve heard it’s one of the toughest deals of all.”

You don’t say. Who knew?

Granted, we should not have Great Expectations of Trump. This is the same guy who also said “Who knew that health care was so complicated?”

Everybody but you, Donald.

Trump fires Comey, making Uncle Sam weep

President Donald “The Executioner” Trump abruptly fired FBI Director James Comey Tuesday, dramatically ousting the nation’s top law enforcement official in the midst of an FBI investigation into whether Trump’s campaign had ties to Russia’s meddling in the election that sent him to the White House.

Not to get into politics, but don’t you wish it could have been the other way around?

Firing Comey can be summed up in five letters — PURGE.

Trump may have more warts than a witch, but give the guy credit: He hates losing. Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

Of course, Trump never has had a boss. Which is why he acts more like a dictator than a president.

The thin of skin tend to pout and sulk after having been strafed or even perceiving to having been strafed. But often they also tend to respond with seething I’ll-show-him passion.

Which, in a nutshell, is Trump firing Comey.

Welcome to the New America!