OK, put me in straight jacket. And force me to swallow a Larry Medaglia AND a Judy Schwank election flyer. I deserve it. I am, after all, an unabashed Charlie Sheen fan.
Yes, I loved Sheen in Two and a Half Men and Major League. The guy is even funnier than Muammar Gaddafi these days. On and off screen.
Sheen is living large these days, even if he is out of work. He’s spending all his free time appearing on every radio and TV talk show ever produced. He may even be on WEEU’s Feedback with Mighty Mike Faust tomorrow.
Sheen is a scream. Mr. Entertainment 24/7.
And when Sheen is relaxing at home, he’s living with two “goddesses” — referring to self-described porn star Natalie “Natty” Kenly and model Rachel “Rach” Oberlin who are helping to raise his nearly 2-year-old twin sons. How’s that for a sweet family portrait?
Either Sheen is playing us or he’s the biggest train wreck since the 1981 train crash in Bihar, India killed more than 800 people.
Sheen claims he is in complete control of his life. Never mind that production of his series that made Sheen the highest-paid actor on television has been suspended; he keeps ranting against his CBS bosses; his longtime publicist has quit; and his famous father Martin Sheen has compared his son’s battle with drugs and alcohol to “cancer.”
Charlie Sheen claims he has kicked his problems with drugs and alcohol by the sheer force of his own will. Of course he has. No need for the folks at Caron. Sheen evidently has his own step program at home. Or at least he has steps.
“I am grandiose because I live a grandiose life; what’s wrong with that?” he asks, describing himself as a “warlock” with “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA” — comments that make some wonder whether he is delusional, megalomaniacal or worse.
And you thought the ol’ Zekester has an ego.
Actually, Sheen’s problem is his choice of friends. Nah, I don’t mean the porn stars and hookers. I mean Lenny “Nails” Dykstra, the former Met, the former Phillie, the former millionaire car wash owner, the former financial guru/buddy of Jim Cramer, and the current survivor of a massive financial meltdown who just may be more certifiably insane and narcissistic than even Sheen.
Sheen declares Dykstra his new BFF.
Kind of explains it all, right?